Under the Sea

Fridays at work from 1-3 is our Healthy Lifestyles Group, in order for me to stay healthy I go on the outings too. Yesterday it was the Aquarium of the Pacific. After making sandwiches from 7am-9am, we headed out to Long Beach on the blue line and exited the last stop- ah fresh air. An outing with a group is much like an event with my entire extended family, it is full of jokes and learning how to adjust to many different personalities and worldly views. It was geat..



There was someone missing from our group- a feeling noted throughout the noted the day from me and several others who attended however it was a fondness of memories. Just breath. A very good friend of mine sent me an email that read ' just know that when you touch someone's life and they touch yours, it's the gift that keeps giving', this couldn't be more true. This work involves getting close to people, riding through life with them during their ups and downs. I am in it for long haul, like marriage for better or for worse. It is good days like this and good times I have to note in bold and etch in my mind. Life is full of odd events and things that you often cannot make sense of, however I wouldn't change mine for anothers.



It was a nice day.

J.S.

I just hung up the phone with the Los Angeles coroners office speaking with the investigator who is covering my client's case. She spoke so bluntly, matter of factly, and cold that I almost found myself getting angry. I couldn't do her job, as I am sure many people wouldn't want to do mine. J.S. was an awesome fellow- a big man with a long white beard and if he wasn't wrapped in that sarcasm or negativity that almost matched mine, I feel he could have easily been mistaken for Santa Claus.
He had lived in skid row- that dirty lonely cold and dark area of downtown that no one deserves to live in, let alone die in for years. He had been working with us for almost a decade- he and I meeting about a year ago and quickly becoming close due to the likeness in our personalities and views of the world. Distrusting, sarcastic, chain smoking, coffee drinking, shit talking man that he was, it was impossible for him not to make me laugh and also make me wonder who he was. He didn't share much personally; what events led him to become homeless wrapped in skid rows single room occupancy curse is still to me unknown.

When I was speaking to the investigator she told me he had an x-wife- one fact I knew because of what he shared about bad relationships and never wanting to let someone into his life again- though I never knew her by name or any events that happened in his marriage. The investigator also told me he has two sisters- or so history would seem based on records. I never knew of them or their existence.

In addition to these, the investigator told me he died of natural causes, clogged arteries and a fatty liver- a sigh of relief came when I understood it was natural, that no one had hurt him. She then proceeded to tell me that he also had massive bruising over his body and these and other symptoms such as the fatty liver are signs of alcoholism. I never knew him to drink. He never shared that with me. The investigator also informed me that when she questioned people who lived in his building they also reported him to be a drinker. I became quiet- listening to this lady describe someone I thought I knew- and something so common it should have come to no surprise considering where I work, but it did.

As I hung up with this woman I sat on my floor in the quiet and thought about my job. How well do I know any of my clients. I usually shy from calling them clients as it assigns a cold barcode feel to a human being however terms like member or consumer also sound equally as bad to me therefore when addressing them I call them friends. Who was this friend? How could I have missed the way he treated his isolation and depression. Every tuesday he came to my group and at some point he would always say- I just want to get home and lock the door so I can close out the world and feel safe- he told me how much he liked his apartment and how that was his comfort, safe area. But was it? Why was this man so lonely that he drank the way he did- or did he. I don't know how I wouldn't have known it. However it makes me so sad knowing this man didn't tell me, confide in me, or reach out to me. I don't know maybe he did- maybe that's what his sarcasm was for- his way of connecting to me.

I just can't get over that he died alone. If he drank it was obviously for a reason, the way alcohol affects me- there is always a reason for it. Was he lonely? I hope he knew that I, we, really cared about him. No one should ever die alone in their home, flat on floor laying there for days, until a stranger discovers them. And no one should ever die in skid row. In our group we would often talk about developing passions in life and identifying our interests, his was always watching movies and having a good cup of coffee. We made an extra pot during group and we all raised our cups to him. Two months ago I talked him into joining us on our outing to the Natural History Museum, when we all sat on the crowded bus together I looked at him and laughed, Aren't you glad you came- I asked him. He laughed and told me this was the first time he been out of skid row in years and that he was thankful however I was crazy for making him do this. We laughed.

I asked the investigator what happens if the family does not get in touch with the coroners office after they receive a notification letter - what happens to this mans body, his possessions? She told me that it would be for the office to decide however remains that are not claimed get cremated and buried in a public plot. How is this fair or right? I asked her if we could pick up the ashes in order to honor him and scatter them and she informed that it is something kin can only do unless we petition the court.

I don't know what stance the county takes on this. I hope someone comes forward to claim his remains, I hope some part of his family that was unknown to us comes forward and cries when they learn he is gone. I wonder what he was like as a child, what he looked like when he was six, and why his life turned out the way it did.

Much has happened in a week.

Last weekend began with me turning in what I hope is my last rent payment EVER! Believe it or not I sort of got nostalgic. It is no surprise I love this apartment with it's old paned windows and exposed brick walls, it has been a magical place for me these last fourteen years. However it doesn't take much for me to know that in this time I have also paid over $117,000 and have nothing to show for it. Yay fat cat landlords.





So Monk and I decided to pack a lunch and head up to our alcove in Barnsdall park, we wanted one more chance to walk through the park and also decided to explore some stores we had never been in before. I actually ate Indian food at the Electric Lotus and had an Indian beer called Mahatma and an appetizer of veggie samosa's - good shit! Expect my body had trouble processing the chutney I used as a garnishment, who knew?



From there we strolled down Hillhurst and ran into a small Japanese Place where we had beer and edamame, this place was cute and right across from Albertsons yet we had never noticed it.



Then we walked down Los Feliz in the setting twilight and enjoyed the buzz of our beer and the quaint houses that line my street. In addition, we discovered a gay bar that had been here all this time called The Stone on Hollywood Blvd which is a Thai bar on most nights but hosts drag shows and gogo boys on friday and saturday. Here we asked for a good thai drink and they gave us Mekhong- it tasted like a rum and whiskey combo - very strong and very choice.



I guess I never knew how much I like my neighborhood, when you take out the hipsters, overpriced coffee shops, and all the people who sit in starbucks discussing their screenplays and audition call backs it's not that bad however I am looking forward to moving to a new area.

I feel better today, after dealing with the eight car pile up on the freeway yesterday and knowing I will be without a truck for a bit sucks, however it could have been a lot worse so I will accept it for what it, another pain in my balls and financial misfortune. Monique and Fernando came up this weekend and also explored Hollywood with us, Fernando in awe of the bright lights, stars and celebs and it was cool seeing them again. Don't get to it very often however twice in the past month- this makes me happy. Thats it.

715 Nolden

It's been six months this month since Monk and I started the journey of finding our 'home'. It has been a process unlike anything I have ever been through. I am completely consumed with it. I have pretty much placed all else on the back burner in the past few months and landed focused, if not obsessed, with finding a home. I have not made one hat, shot one woman, touched my non profit business, or really talked to friends or family. Like I said obsessed. 'It's a buyers market' is pretty much what I thought when we applied for our home loan in May of this year and now I can say it has been anything but that. The slogan should have been 'It's a buyers market if you have cash in hand to buy the home in order to eliminate the competition, sit on it and flip it for profit'. You know the saying there ought to be a law, well there should be to protect first time home buyers from people buying multiple homes in order to make money. Monk and I would see homes we loved and put in our offer- day one- only to learn there were 35 other offers - most of which were conventional loan holders- which would beat us out. Lots of entering homes, looking around, visualizing decorating and having family/friends over, only to have the house gone in 60 seconds.

Behold Nolden. We first looked at this cottage- a term I have grown to understand as small- about two months ago. It had much work to be done, squatters had visited leaving holes punched in walls, graffiti all over inside and out, and was smaller in size then what we had been looking for. We re-evaluated our expectations. The house is lovely, built in 1906 and entirely from redwood, it is a small craftsman just waiting to be recognized for the beauty it used to have. We saw it and moved on it.



We are about to close escrow- all that can happen has happened and it has been one hell of a bumpy ride however when I paid my rent yesterday I took a picture of the money order as it may possibly be my last rent payment forever. The first six months will be very hard as I am going to make the monthly mortgage payments on my own, until I have paid half of the $20,000 payment Monk put down. But after May 2010 we will split everything making it quite comfortable. It has two rooms, yay guests!, and we are going to build a deck in the back for that all important fire pit under the sky. Dogs. We are going to get two dogs- hopefully one big one small, the memory of Poochinie always in tow however I feel it's time to adopt two more.
We went to home depot to get some ideas are going to utilize an additional construction loan to put $20,000 back into the home. We had it officially appraised and when our fixes are complete we will have about $60k in equity already, which makes me feel a whole lot safer. My cousin Brian will be meeting with us on Monday to take a look at the construction bid and inspect the house and check if prices are fair. Yay Brian! We did opt to have tin ceilings installed- pricey yes- but it will make the home ours and once again restore the victorian feel to it. We are going to take out the ugly sixties floor tiling and try to restore the original wooden floor and strip the paint down to expose the wooden base on all moldings. It, I feel will be ever so splendid.



It has been hard and now that I understand we are to close escrow and have the key in hand in about ten days I feel the relief and also the nausea of being a home owner. I have begun packing and donating so much stuff to my clients at work. Nolden has helped us re-examine all the Knic Knacs we have and I had to get rid of a lot of stuff which is good. 'If it doesn't fit in your coffin' has been a slogan I have been repeating throughout this process to remind me I don't need much. I would like apologize for anyone who reads this and wonders why I have been so distant, not returned phone calls or much less made them, but this life changing process is nearly complete. My best friends Steven and Todd also closed Escrow and are proud home owners themselves. Happily, they are living two hills over from us. These two are equally as impressive- to note that we all have arrived at the point in our lives where we are able to buy a home is so remarkable I cannot express the pride I have in my friends. I am also happy to note that this home will place us in East LA which puts me closer to two friends I never get to see and plan to see more often.

You know it's weird. I never thought I would possess the resources to own a home, much less in LA. I have really seen changes in myself in the past five years. Monk and I are doing much better- he focused on Culinary school and doing quite well and the stability we have is curious to say the least. For me, who loves to live impulsively fly by the seat of my pants and plan nothing, it has been one strange journey this growing up bit. However I feel changed for the better. I know this house will not be able to be the center of holiday family gatherings- since it won't hold us all- however I look forward to sharing this experience with all those I love- even if you may only come in one at a time.

Now it's saturday and I am off to look at estate sales for some new furniture!