Chubby Pigeon: March 2009

Thursday, March 26, 2009

hello thursday night

Just thought I'd pop in and write. I dont have much to write about. Work is going as well as work can... as to say I like my job and the people I work with but despise the agency I work for. I am stuck at the slow moving monster machine known as county until august to pay back a stipend. Therefore I have begun to repeat 'until august' with my morning coffee. I accompanied one of my most needed clients, an older man who has been homeless for nine years in Long Beach due to schizophrenia, to his new apartment today and together we signed the lease. Good times. I know I am in the right place but each day I struggle to understand 'county'. If I could spend everyday out in the field just working and talking to people I would be so square unfortunately even when you wipe your ass at county you have to write a note. Therefore I have started not to wipe.

I went to san diego last weekend to visit jen and rob and get a piece of crazy monkey madness. This helped as the pictures will demonstrate...

sexy warm by the fire

where is my huffy?

Rock it dude!

Time with family always helps. This weekend looks to be good because I will not be working. I am going to help my folks transport a queen size bed to their guest room and take a trip to Costco for free samples and to pick up the printer my family gave me for my birthday. Thanks family!

I don't know, I think its that the road is calling. I watched the dvd of the road trip I took over the summer with my sis amy and I think it helped me understand something about myself. I am not a routine person, never have been. Waking at the same time leaves me tired and working monday through friday just doesn't seem to work for me. Often at work I take a break in the back alley surrounded by sky scrappers in downtown los angeles. I look up to see pieces of blue sky poke through the smog and buildings and wonder what the sky looks like in Arches or Pigeon Fordge. If I have any regret it's that I don't have more free time. When the weekend comes along I spend it here and two days doesn't offer one the freedom to really relax and sample life.

To more free time. However, I note I am blessed.

Why Chubby Pigeon

Laying the Egg that Became Chubby Pigeon:

When I was in 6th grade there was a boy in my glass named Darren Musto. I have a very poor memory yet somehow I will forever remember this kids name. Like most girls, I met puberty much sooner then the boys in my class and for me this meant being about 2 feet taller then most of them. I also developed hips, tits, and ass much younger as I was blessed to have the family chubby gene. This kid Darren would stand behind me in the hallway as we pilled into class and mutter the word ‘AMAZON’ in my ear. At the time I had no idea what it meant but it didn’t sound pleasing. I wanted so badly to be shorter that I would often stand hunched over with both kneecaps bent in a vain attempt to appear shorter. When I look back on my adolescent pictures now I simply look like I had some type of physical defect. Ah those were the awkward days of puberty. Fuck em.

As I grew older I discovered the origin of this word. Amazon: a notably tall, physically strong or strong willed woman. I am 5’11. Yes I am tall and yes I am chubby. It didn’t take long for me to appreciate what this meant. In our society tits come in very handy. As John Waters once wrote –the first thing a woman learns is that tits are a weapon, if you’ve got em stick em out.’

I then began to notice that much of my teenage years were spent in pursuit of getting other girls into bed that had these assets. I appreciated all body types, yet there was something more enticing to me about girls with a little extra junk in their trunk. I also have a phobia of bones, which may contribute to picking those partners I intended on fucking to have extra padding. To me nothing is sexier then a voluptuous girl confident in her body type and willing to show it off without the fear of being judged, ridiculed, or harassed.

About three years ago my depression soared and I began to doubt everything beautiful about my body. I found my weight to be my enemy, my tits and ass too big, my age too old, and in general I was just fat. I found myself hating skinny girls because it appeared to be what everyone found attractive. The fact is I can never be skinny, small, or younger. I am not a girl who giggles or asks questions I know the answers to to make other people feel smart, yet I found myself contemplating these horrific acts.

I started therapy, worked on and continue working through these challenges and now think fuck it. I am not an advocate of American plastic surgery and view the act as another component to the hyper capitalism fear of death oppression and expectations women in this society fall victim to. So, I squatted and out came the egg that cracked open into chubby pigeon. I want to have a forum to display what I think beauty is. I wanted to have a place where I can share my political ideologies, videos, sexual explorations, pigeon adventures, and display my fetish for beautiful chubby women wearing ornate hats.

I want to read your comments, hear your opinions, and listen to your stories. As women in this society we are exploited, pitted against each other, oppressed, and are given a list of unattainable expectations by men who hold over us an ideal that I would never want to fuck, the same men who find self-confidence to be sexy but do so little to build it. So here it is, Chubby Pigeon, welcome to my nest.

Chubby Pigeon

Thursday, March 26, 2009

hello thursday night

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