Chubby Pigeon

My sister Amy: Classy and Fabulous

2011-04-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

I have been working, hard I may add, and just sort of tumbling down with the stream of life. No real complaints and happy to write that. This weekend however something happened that is worthy of a post, my sister Amy had her bachelorette party!!!!! IN VEGAS!!!!!! So honored to have been a part of this party!

Now I will be the first to tell you that the sex in the city bitches and the house wives of beverly hills or whatever you call it annoy the shit out of me, well actually I have never seen the shows just the thought of watching them annoys me and I sort of place all female gatherings under the same feeling. Shopping sprees, spas, pedicures, manicures, make-overs, and martini's never really were my cup of tea (I am a more a whiskey sort of girl). So when I asked if could plan the bachelorette party I was nervous but love my sister so much I wanted to show her the best time of her life. I think it couldn't have turned out better and I actually had more fun planning it- ok not really but it was fuckin fun to plan and organize this adventure! And it was an adventure.

Highlights: Chippendales, Cabana with our 6 foot dildo, Limo, Dancing our asses off, Long and crazy walk of shame down the strip, games, prizes, and loads of champagne!

I am so happy that I come from a stable, loving, emotionally supportive, close maybe even incestuous family. My younger sister moved back down here awhile ago and after losing her to San Francisco many many years ago I am happy to have her back - yes world I am still working holding out and waiting for my brother to come back too! My sisters and I all have our lives, busy and time consuming though they are and I cherish the time we get to spend together.

On June 4th I will also gain another brother and I am so happy about this. I feel my family couldn't be better and I thank my parents for having us, working hard to give us such a wonderful childhood captured colorfully on video cassette, and for the memories we continue to build. I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

Nashville with Pocketsize Dad

2011-03-08T20:29:00.000-08:00

To spend time with my dad is awesome..to know that he is about to retire is priceless!

This weekend I took my father to Nashville Tennessee, who would've have thought of all the places I went in the US on that road trip almost three years ago, Tennessee would have been my favorite. So, after a long deserving wait I treated my dad to that place in his dreams..The Jack Daniels Distillery.

Treated him to staying at the Grand Ole Opry.. a five hundred diamond rated hotel. Amazing, this place is amazing!

Although it rained most of the weekend, he may have broken his rib, the bed collapsed when he sat on it tossing him onto the floor, I kept losing to him at cards, and I blacked out in Nashville after succumbing to Maker's (don't tell the folks at the Jack Daniels Distillery as they refer to Makers as swill) I want to do it all over again. This to the man who taught me respect for nature, to love seeing the county from the back of the van, how to string my fishing pole (though he would often lose patience and do it for me), to camp, and to enjoy a fire pit I say I love you dad! I hope that when my father retires we take more of these trips and he and my mom enjoy more time together under the stars and setting sun.

I love you pocket size (even if some of your information is made up!)

Good night. :)

A Storage & Two Bits

2011-02-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentleman, the vision is complete. well sort of.

Storage Shed compliments of Alex the Builder

Last weekend I am proud to announce Alex finished the storage shed for Recycled Resources. When I opened the box to this project I cried, not figuratively but literally. I had no idea what the directions were asking, couldn't visualize what needed to be done, and lost it. I suggested that we put an ad on craigslist offering someone 100 bucks to come and put it together. 'No' alex said, 'that's pussy'. So I said, ok can you do it. And did it he did. Four days later it was completed. What an awesome guy I have to do this on his vacation.

Outreach

So yesterday we set out to complete our February Outreach and Engagement event. It was small group, however people counted on us and I feel it was a success. Same people, same faces, same stories, however this time they addressed me by name- they remembered us. That felt good. Eventually I want to move forward however for now it's bus token, maps, and linkages. We did meet two new folks- two men in their 30's- one from OK and one from Ireland. It was odd, one spoke in such a thick Irish accent he was difficult to understand and the other in a thick southern accent- they however understood each other perfectly. They were on a walking trip to the pacific ocean from OK and had gotten side tracked and lost in the Highland Park area. They told us of adventures and what is was like walking across almost all of AZ. After giving them some socks tennis shoes and linking them with shower resources they set off. I was sort of jealous- that freedom without thought- plan-or direction. Good luck men- walk hard!

Downtown LA

So after all was said and done Alex and I took off to meet up with a friend who just opened up a new organic market/wine bar. Two Bits Market. Actually this came in handy due our neighbors having yet another moon bounce party- which began at 9:30AM, music blaring, trash being thrown on our lawn, and kids yelling ALL day. I think they must rent out their rented home for parties, or they keep having kids weekly, or the women that live there are renting out their uterus's. They have no respect for anyone on the street. Either way they annoy the shit out of me. I miss our old neighbors!

Two Bits Market - Spring & 5th Street
I had the pleasure of meeting the owners- a newly wed couple - through work and I can honestly say they are amazing. The gentleman works as a social service worker in the hotel where my clients stay and he came to LA after working FSP program in the tenderloin in San Fran so he is really familiar with the skid row pop. I wanted to introduce Alex to them. The hope was to link Alex and get him some type of part part time gig in order to have some work in the business when he finishes culinary school and I think it went well. I tried new cheese! However I did avoid the olives!

I like to think I can try new foods outside of the camping/comfort foods I usually eat- you know canned soup, sandwiches, and the like however I can't do new things that smell funky and the cheeses were funky! They carry all organic and unusual- well to me- selection of fruits and veggies plus a good selection of wine and meats. They invited us to try a bottle of sparkling wine which had hops added to it, so it was sort of like a sparkling wine beer. At first it was not good- however after the second taste it settled and was good. Odd. Have you heard of this?

Eats
Anyhow from there we went to a couple of other places and ended up in Little Tokyo for dinner- yay japanese beer and tempura! We then made a mad dash for the gold line and came back to nolden. One thing that is frustrating is our subways stop running at 11:45pm, everyday of the week, so it sucks when you are trying to get around without your vehicle and save on cab fare. Eh. Los Angeles, really? The city that never sleeps my ass.

I am going to lounge now and read the Sunday paper. Things I want today..
1. Talk to my brother
2. Work on shadow boxes
3. Make a healthy lunch
4. Nap

I'm an expert at number 4.

Las Vegas off the Strip

2011-01-12T20:34:00.000-08:00

Monkey and I set off last weekend to go and finally visit Monique and Fernando in Las Vegas. I told myself I wasn't going to end up drunk on the strip and sitting my ass like a zombie in front of a slot machine and for the most part I did not. I have never gone to Las Vegas where I didn't visit the strip- this time- success!

We arrived to Mo's and Fernando- they live in a nice house outside all the noise of Vegas. Pictured below is her front room- it had quite the feel of an Ikea catalog so I prepared my order- Swedish Meatballs! You could tell from her home that she is a graphic designer and both Monkey and I were afraid to touch anything.

We went out to dinner and ended up The Orleans, a local casino by her place. Shit got kinda crazy and everythin a little blurry but we had a good time. Las Vegas now sells these big pitchers of beer- well like pitchers- but they hold a ton of beer and the thing is built with ice in the middle so your beer stays nice and cold- 15 bucks too! It made the phillipino 80's cover band that was playing actually sound good! Yeah I danced, what of it!

This night was only made more exciting when we entered a small Irish Pub called Brendons and Floggin Molly was playing, grand just grand. Sorry for the late night phone calls and singing Poochie and Matt!

On Sunday we went out to Bonnie Springs. Bonnie Springs Ranch was originally built in 1843 as a stopover for the wagon trains going to California down the Old Spanish Trail. In 1846, General Fremont, on his way to California, stopped at what is now Bonnie Springs Ranch to gear up for his trip through Death Valley. Since 1952, it is pretty much used as it is today- a petty zoo, a saloon, and a view of what is left in the middle of Red Rock Canyon. Reminded me very much of 2008 and my desert obsession. There is something to be said- or unsaid- about how I feel in the middle of dirt tumble weeds and red rocks, Bliss.

After we toured the ghost town we took a spot in front of the fire and enjoyed a 'gunslinger'- a hot coffee sort of drink with Baileys and Kahula topped with whipped cream and sprinkled with cinnamon-or gun powder if you will. Delicious. There was snow on the floor and on the mountains that surrounded us and as the sun set the stars came out. Gorgeous.

Later that night Fernando introduced us to Ellis Island where we had dinner then sang karaoke- good crowd. It was hard to beat the 80 year old 5 foot Elvis that dominated the stage. I sang Rocky Top and when I was done he shook my hand and said thanks for singing a song about Tennessee. My pleasure- and I told him about my visit to his home and thanked him for his hospitality. The bar tender then informed us that he actually purchased Elvis's pink cadillac for $50,000 and he drives it around Vegas. Rad!

All in all it was good weekend. It was hard to wake up on Tuesday and as we drove through the desert to come home Monday night I struggled to look forward to coming back to LA. Which is not to say I don't love Nolden, my job, and LA- it's just if you give this girl a taste of freedom she has trouble settling back down. If I worked every day and never took time off it wouldn't bother me so much- but three days out of LA and I want out!!!!!!

:)

Surprise Sunday Night

2010-10-18T12:01:00.000-07:00

Woke up on Sunday after having a pretty quiet weekend with monkey and sort of laid in bed wondering what to do on a three day weekend. Neither of us had plans and wanted to really do anything. I was on the porch enjoying a nice hot cup of cocoa, complete with mini marshmellows when my cell phone rang. "what, you've been in town all week and are just calling me now, F you!" sums up my response. Monique Chebat is my best friend, I love her honestly however about two years ago she moved to Las Vegas to live with her charming as hell, handsome too!, boyfriend Fernando. I adore them both.

After chatting for awhile and catching up Monique informed me that she and her mother wanted to go to Pechanga- a fine Indian gaming establishment. She asked if I would like to come and also ask my grandma to come since my grandma lives close by and is also the same age as Moniques mom. I thought about it.....tic toc tic toc. I thought my grandma would turn down the idea, as she usually stays home and doesn't do much of anything other then sit quietly in her home. I called her, no answer.

I drove down to Anaheim and thought, I am just going to drive by GG's to make sure she is ok, as she is usually home and with my mom in Hawaii just wanted to check on her. I pulled up and my grandmother was literally sitting in a parked car in her garage. I walked up next to the door and stuck my head through the window- she didn't even look surprised she just looked at me. I said Grandma what are you doing and casually she replied 'trying to come up with enough energy to get out of the car'. That's it I said, you're coming with me!

Three hours later behold Pechanga!

Now by this time you're probably asking yourself what is the point of this post- so what she went to gamble with her grandma. I pretend people read this so I am going to tell you why. My grandma doesn't do anything, she really only has a couple of friends left- none of which live by her, and she doesn't really talk to anyone. She has been urged to attend events and also linked with older adult community centers however she doesn't even want to go thinking she won't enjoy herself- so she stays home. Well it just so happens that Monique's mom, who is 80- yup she had Mo when she was 46, and my grandma hit it off big time! big time! Before we even got to the casino they had swapped phone numbers in order to hook up at hometown buffet for stuffed cabbage night- don't ask- and they only live about a mile apart!

So the four of us enjoyed ourselves and had somewhat of a competition playing in teams!

Team Chebat

Team Ansel

The winner....

My Grandma!!!!!! woot woot!

Anyway- it was so good, so good and fun in fact that when Monkey called me worried at 1:30AM cause I wasn't home yet we were all surprised at how late it was. I also had the great fortune of buying my grandma a foot long ruben hot dog- don't ask.

However- for your pleasure- HERE ARE SOME FACTS I learned from my grandma
1. My Kansas uncle was circumcised as an adult - ouch!
2. My grandma lost most of her placenta with her son and was forced to stay in bed for 5 months of the pregnancy
3. My grandma smoked for over twenty years

Weird... and I am so happy I had this time with her- it's the little things!

October has Arrived

2010-10-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

good evening rain.

as the rain falls outside and monkey sits beside me on the couch studying i thought i would log in and write. i have spent the last two days sleeping and sleeping, with lapses to sip tea and watch the tellie. i am one of those people who doesn't like using sick time for sick time but i felt it necessary and tonight i feel much better. i feel slightly more nauseated due to the governor ads on tv and if i have to hear or see meg's voice one more time i am going to cancel my ebay account. how can someone dump $140 million on a political race then tell me that california belongs to everyone. eh.

scary pirate?

over the past weekend i had the honor of spending time with my little family, grandma bozo and pax. in preparation for halloween grandma and i took them to a pumpkin patch and a costume store. hilarious. pax couldn't stop staring at jason from friday the XIII who greeted us by the door yielding a machete; ironically bodhi tried to calm him down however it was bodhi who had trouble falling asleep as the man haunted his dreams;pax snored below him.

Scary?

i'm trying to figure out what else to type. the past couple of months have been busy with nonprofit planning, outreach and engagement events, and the usual work ups and downs. my sister announced she is getting married to long time best friend of the family berto, swell swell young lad, and she will be moving back down south, not pigeon forge south, but los angeles south. well its more like the oc but i dont like to call it that. i am happy, both for the marriage and for them moving! now if only my one true love, poochie, would come back down. happily i learned he got his dmv id back and is now able to rent a vehicle so i hope to see him more often. my sister is in the process of looking for homes to rent and hopefully they will chose someplace in a downtown area, with quaint old fashioned charm. i know it will be an adjustment for her after living in such as diverse and beautifully eclectic place as san francisco for so long, however i am hoping that having a crazy family around will make up for the move!

other then that all is all and that is that. stay tuned for events or the like. life is interesting, even when it's not.

Well hello there August

2010-08-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

My life continues to pass me by, just like July, and as I sit here typing I wonder where it went. The most highlighted event recently was the Prine Annual Reunion event and vacation last month. I found my sandwich and all of us headed to Mammoth where we hiked, fish, played tripoli, ate lots of good food, panned for gold, and I am proud to also add horse back riding, which I can now cross off my bucket list!

I took nine days off work- using six vacation days- and left the city behind me. This was my first vacation in two years since Amy and I took our month long road trip two years ago. Sometimes I forget what it is like to get away and even what America looks like. You know that seemingly untouched and beautiful place that makes me happy I live here, ah the frontier- Tally ho! I feel the month long road trip may have spoiled me into ever enjoying a vacation again, or at least being able to fully relax and breath, however I was I feel I was able to do that last month. I love my family, even with all the yelling of the crazy bozopax. There is something wonderful and yes all be it odd about being around all of my family at once. It was like that Wisconsin trip all over again- no matter how old I get I will never outgrow family vacations and am thankful we all had the time to come together.

Mi Familia

This weekend the nonprofit group I formed, Recycled Resources for the Homeless, had it's first neighborhood outreach and engagement event. Together we set out in pairs to meet and greet homeless folks living in Highland Park, Glassell Park, Eagle Rock, and S Pasadena. I was so touched that people gave up their Saturday morning and afternoon to make a difference in the lives of people around them. We had a solid 28 people we outreached to, many asking for us to come back and check in with them. Most were mentally ill and many reported living in the same place for years- it's those people you see in the morning on the way to work and you wonder about. Well I am happy to say I now know their names, their stories, and they know there are people who are here to assist them. I can't describe the feeling of making contact with people and listening to them. Amazing!

You can read more about it here... www.recycledresources.org/news.

So thats where August and I have been so far. I also took some time to relax this weekend and hang with my monkey at the wineries in Temecula. Good times!

It's 9:00pm now and I am going to bed, yup I am old, however I feel pretty damn good about it.

Good night!

4th of Julio!

2010-07-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

3...

2...

1...

Happy 5th of July to chubby pigeons everywhere! These pictures were taken in sequence from our backyard in Highland Park. I feel it urgent to point out these fireworks were not done from a park, a stadium, a school, or even while fire persons were standing by. To those who say we are in a recession I say come to East LA for the 4th of Julio and have a look. I am talkin Disneyland style fireworks above your heads! We had to go nowhere and pay nothing! It was simply beautiful and after the buzz kicked in Alex wasn't so worried the house was going to burn down.

We stayed back from family gatherings this year, sorry guys, due to the new home owners fear of our house being set ablaze, why I don't know it is the only catastrophe our insurance covers: fire. Nevertheless it was a jolly good time.

I love taking a man down! In addition to bbq and fireworks alex broke out his pellet gun and we took dead aim on the rich kids, got them in the crosshairs, and took them down! We thought we would honor the hard working people of this country by taking shots at those people we thought destroyed or are destroying America.

Target hit!! (repeatedly) In the middle of all this madness my friend David turned to me and asked- Do you like America? I looked at him and said Hell's yes man, I love America, just not most of the people who make decisions in their best interest, financial interest which is what I feel our government has become. The concept of sharing is out the window, taking care of others is out the window, and giving everyone that equal opportunity, I feel, is so far from the truth. However this is the most beautiful place in the world, from the Atlantic to the Pacific. To make my point understood I played Coming to America by Neil Diamond and completed this with a dance off! The people here are so diverse, like no other place ( keep in mind I have only been to Mexico- and on the baja side) but I feel this is so. How awesome is it that when we choose where to have dinner we chose from essentially every type and style of food- from sushi to banana wrapped enchiladas. Rad!

So I salute you America! And remember...
'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.' - Lincoln

Ole!

June

2010-06-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

Much has happened since my last post. I have kinda farted around and not had much to write about. I mean CVI came and went and it was grand, simply grand- however I had a shitty cold the whole time we were there and feel that I let my fellow CVI'rs down; well there is always 2011! The high point was the shuttle ride!!!

I did however win 100,000 pennies on the way back at state line. For those of you who aren't good with math Moochie Poochie will tell you. He turned to me in the middle of the payout and said, $1,000 dollars- you just won $1,000 dollars. We hugged kissed and made love! All in Buffalo Bill's, it was great. To celebrate I got myself, Fluffy Von Bottom and Moochie Del Taco- the bill $27.00, that's del taco gold!

This weekend Monk and I went to Logan's first birthday. All I can say is cute cute and more cute. I don't know which side of the coin I prefer, Lance or Logan; both! Judge for yourself.

The tradition in our family continued as he was given his own cake and had at it! The best part was when Lance came up with his fork and helped out. I have to write for a moment just how much I love Rach and Brian. Seriously love them. We are in the middle of making plans to bring over a fire pit and a cube of coors light so we can spend the night over there just talking about the world and all our wonders. More to follow here.

Monkey had a birthday too. He is now 37 years old. He hated the turn to 37 but loved his party. I guess it's just the three years to forty that bothers him, I myself am looking forward to forty. The older I get the more things just seem to make sense fall into place and the less I give a fuck about things. My anxiety has been so/so. I go into Kaiser tomorrow to meet with an anxiety specialist for an intake. I am trying to be positive. I made it through my work week without missing days, went out to lunch with alex, and also went shopping. I am trying to not hide in my home full of panic, my mind is constantly full of 'what if', well I have to change the way I think and hope tomorrow goes well.

Well that's my catch up. We all, The Prine's, go to Mammoth in two weeks. a ONE WEEK FAMILY VACATION! I AM SO EXCITED! I have ghost towns mapped out, horse rides booked, and I am going to take Pax and Bozo panning for gold. RAD!

Have a good night earth.

To tag or Bomb a Surface

2010-04-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

Good morning.

It's sunday and the wind is chilly picking up and grey clouds are rolling in. Beautiful. Rain is on the way as I sit here now with a warm cup of coffee complete with vanilla cinnamon cream. It's been a slow moving weekend. I had a colonoscopy on Friday which was pretty amazing. To lie on a bed and watch as a camera explores 50 feet of you innards is pretty remarkable, not to mention the drugs only added to the experience. All went well and I have to go back in three years due to them finding and removing two polyps. Amazing huh?

When I woke up Saturday I painted the fence that surrounds our home. We haven't painted it since we moved in due to it being a canvas for the neighborhood artists. There are several definitions for graffiti such as a backjump which means 'A quickly executed throw up or panel piece. Backjumps are usually painted on a temporarily parked train or a running bus'. I think that is what ends up on our fence. I don't really mind it when it's a picture however when it is unreadable letters slung together it annoys me. The most recent one is this...

Interesting huh? I like boobs, who doesn't? I don't know if the family across the alley enjoyed having this as the backdrop to their bbq's but it made us laugh. Anyway we painted the fence..

I will now monitor it in the mornings to see if Santa came or not; he didn't come last night. I don't know what I would tag if I were such an artist. There is a cat that appears all over the 110 freeway, he is smiley and wears a bow tie in every picture. he makes me smile and upon spotting him monkey always makes meow noises, I like it really but will I like it if it shows up on our fence? Who knows.

After painting the fence we made use of the rental car we had gotten for my procedure on Friday- no driving home and monkey still not driving a stick- so we have the car until monday. Driving through S Pasadena we went to antique stores and low and behold there are wineries- well a couple and we stopped in to have some port. Notice the Italian grape fields behind us.

It was nice to be the passenger and Monkey took great care of me. I am now going to make him pancakes as a thank you with whipped cream and the one strawberry that has grown in our garden.

Enjoy your fleeting weekend guys!

B-I-N-G-O!

2010-03-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

On saturday my family- well part of them- came up to Nolden for cocktails and snacks then as the sky opened up and a heavy downpour of chubby rain descended we headed to south pasadena high school to play bingo!

Discovered in 2010, this bingo hall is conveniently located about a mile from our home, has a $15 buy in for 22 games- each paying out $250 to the winner!, and for some strange reason is fun- although it's not quite Vegas fun! My family had asked if I knew what I wanted to do for my birthday and I thought this would be grand.

In corner number one we had my aunt Jan, next to the queen herself my grandma, next to the original queen my mother, and a lady who often wishes she was a queen- a drag queen- Monique.

In corner number two we had the men- thats the corner I was in!

My dad, seated next to me, seated next to monkey. I guess it made it easier for all the drinkers to pass booze to each other underneath the table!- something I really need to work on.

Did anyone win some people have asked. No, no we did not. However it was fun. Unbeknown to us this night had a jackpot raffle prize of $5000, therefore every seat in the house was filled so we didn't really get to sit in a bingo circle, as its known however glad we went. Also note, they ran out of tri-tip sandwiches... we'll have to go back! Go back too because Monique and I got a free game card for playing bingo in the month of our birthdays! a $25 value! And I just must write that I like it when I get to spend time with me mom and dad- not enough of that lately.

Monkey gives up! I don't think Monkey will be going back as he surrendered somewhere between I 23 and O 71. Ironic for someone who enjoyed math more than he thought he would however could not keep up with the bombardment of numbers!

BINGO!

Among Friends

2010-03-01T17:40:00.000-08:00

Chef Monkey in Training. On saturday we had our friends over to warm up our house yet again however this time we were fortunate enough to have borrowed a canopy and broke in the new firepit given to us by my LOVELY family.

The morning began with alex making sushi- entirely from scratch- I think about 100 pieces in all. Then he made canapes! As I watched him I thought about how much we have gotten our shit together and just how far we had come in life. Good thoughts.

Each invitation we sent out had a clue within saloon doors that led our friends to find individual bottles we had made for them.

Complete with pictures of us drinking together and poetry about alcohol, it was the thing to get people feeling right at home! On Moniques bottle it read 'To always doing sober what you say you'll do drunk' as our plans are quite elaborate at most times bar side. The back of the bottle had a label which read:

Established in 2010 La Chateau Nolden
has become known for it’s fine wine, fine food,
and finer folks. All grapes are hand picked for
freshness and stomped on by only the
finest millipedes.

Government Warning: Consuming alcoholic
beverages may cause pregnancy or blood
stains on floor. Objects in rear view mirror
may be sexier than they appear.

I also made brownies- which appeared to be a favorite- as one of the guests exclaimed- I want to have sex with these brownies! Sadly I did not capture that on film.

I was most impressed and felt loved by everyone as everyone made it- well with the exception of Ashley who had to help her cousin move. We chilled by the fire all night until the wee hours of morning and I feel the party was a success! Music screamed in the backyard which gave way to a small 80's dance club...complete with friends wrapping around the bars on the canopy strip style!

The guys!

It isn't often we all get to be together anymore as we are all busy and doing our own things in life however for one brief moment we all set schedules aside and it felt like old times.

Thanks Nolden for making our friends comfortable and I now feel somewhat whole after having our family and friends over. It will be a long week now as this has past and I am thinking who will visit next?????? Will it be you?

I love the people in my life!

:)

Vagina Weekend 2010

2010-02-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

Us!

Ok my internet has not been my best friend lately and as my sister says to me, when are you going to just give in and pay for internet- NEVER! I answer. The beginning of this month I was honored to host our annual Vagina Weekend. Seeing as how I am 1. Broke 2. Anxiety prone as of late and 3. in a new House! I thought it be good to have my beautiful family here. It turned out to be a very relaxing time. The weekend look something like Victorian Home Tour, Followed by Wine Tour, Followed by Bingo, Followed by a MASSIVE flea market, followed by more shopping, followed by eating, followed by relaxing, followed by bonding. I was happy, yes yes I was. I love the idea of spending the weekend with me mom and sisters, Love it!

Bingo! Obsessed older ladies fighting for some confusing form of connecting the dots- not at all like the bingo you remember!

Mt Rushmore Flask... Best find!

Authentic Knights of Columbus Hat- say what $50 bucks?!

Good times Ladies! Good Times.

Slow Cook Weekend

2010-01-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

I set out to do more when I moved and I feel this weekend was good for it, well today anyway. I busted out the slow cooker and the slow cooker recipe book I got about ten years ago from me mom and actually used it. The trouble was- well two things really. I could never use the cooker because well frankly I was lazy and it took the food too long to cook but mostly because I had a dog who liked to eat everything and I was always afraid she would jump onto the counter to eat the stew! I wish she would have- I miss her terribly in a neighborhood so full of dogs. I met a puppy from across the way today, a small black rot mix of 12 weeks old. The woman who owned him didn't speak English that well and I know my Spanish sucks so I guess I got off lucky otherwise I would have figured out where she got him and gotten myself one. He ran around our house for awhile and pee'd on the floor and both Alex and I thought, maybe we should puppy proof the house a little more first.

Anyway, so now my chowder it's in it's finally stage- I give you corn crab chowder, damn this house smells good. I also did a bit of gardening this weekend, well I guess I call it that. I half assly pulled up the weeds in the front garden and laid down potting soil, wet it, and threw wild flower seeds on it. I hope something grows. Who knows. I got that specific mix because the package boasts it invites animals and hummingbirds, bring it!

And alex helped me put these up tonight. To give our little home on the prairie some more pizazz we got gingerbread wood cut outs for the porch. Cute! Now I can follow up my monday off with a mint julip on the porch.

Hello.

Ready Set Go - 2010

2010-01-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I posted on here as much has been going on. The holidays are over and as I sit on the couch in backyard with the warm sun on my back it feels good. I finally broke in Nolden having all my family up here at once. Now it feels more like a home than a house and my nausea is slowly subsiding.

The house warming began with a Mexican feast we felt fitting since we now live in Highland Park which is, I'm guessing, about 90% Latino families. For Christmas my dads mother in San Diego gave me the china set she purchased in the 1950's when she got married so Monkey and I used this to feed to fam. You know the house wasn't as small as we thought, everybody fit!!! It was cold and raining outside so the patio was off limits but we threw some extra chairs in the front room and boom- party!

Bodhi and Zoey were right at home going through all my pirate treasures and I taught them how to load and shoot flint lock pistols and though they were only props they didn't know it! Suckas! It was just so nice to look around at everyone here and a feeling of calm and happiness came over me as we played games in the front room- it kinda made up for all the bullshit and stress it took getting into this place.

New Years was held at the Prine house- the place I still call home- and that was also nice. When everyone is here- San Francisco, Oakland, San Diego, Davis, and we pile into Agnes I get a feeling of calm and togetherness..sure it could have been the liquor however I opt to believe it was family! We had karaoke lobster steak and nasty joke telling fire side in the backyard till 3:30am, yeah I'm proud! Good times! Yes it is true that as we are related to each other we sometimes cross the line however it's great to no 'that's not concerned off limits!'.

When I think about 2010 I think about taking a vacation- my road trip partner pictured above. I didn't take a vacation in 2009 and sometimes that in itself I find amazing. The plan is to route an adventure up to South Dakota and stay in Deadwood for a few days, stopping by the brothels in Nevada, ghost towns, Corn Palace, and also hitting up Casa Bonita in Colorado - a monkey request- on the way back down. Maybe June or May?

Well I am now off to research what types of plants to get from Lowes so I can start working on the front lawn- currently it is my ashtray but I know we have to step it up! It's currently 63 degrees at 10am and a high of 80 is scheduled, ah California winters!

Welcome 2010 and thanks to family that helped me get here-- you know who you are!

cheers!

Our House - work in progress

2009-12-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

Dad lends his expertise- Mom photos!

Alex gets serious on the ceiling!

'master bedroom'

'guest room/ opium den'

It was so nice of mom and dad to come up and help us paint, I still have a lot to learn from my dad and look forward to him retiring so he can spend more time teaching me all he knows. Thanks guys for the help!

Spot Lights of the Week

2009-11-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

Two events to note-

The first is Monkey College!!!

On Monday night I met Monk after work to go to his first art gallery showing. Although he is in school for culinary arts it is true he is still as dedicated as ever to building robots and has recently reconnected to sculpey in order to fashion his objects. When LA Trade Tech college opened up its art gallery to students he submitted his two newest creations!

This one entitled 'Self Portrait'

and this one

'Obispo Avisba'

Cool huh? I was just pleased that he put his work out there for other people to see and that is he being active in school, all of which are giant changes in his life. Many times, as like myself with hats, he creates awesome creatures and then what? He likes them too much to part with them so they go on a shelf and collect dust- this time he took a chance and put them on display...
Yay Monkey!!!!!! Also I feel it worthy to note that last night while watching Jeopardy he knew an answer to a math equation, it was AMAZING!!! He also has an A in his math class. Yup, I know I sound old but who cares. I think it's neat!

The other event was one week ago when I joined with a co-worker to pass out Department of Mental Health literature and also support the cause and walk at the annual 2009 Homewalk!

Although this event seemed less attended this year than the last few I was proud and happy to have taken part in it! Thank you to my family who supported me and donated money to support the cause to end homelessness in Los Angeles!

Well thats that. Right now monkey is sitting on the floor polishing our potbelly stove for the new house and I am looking for things to do to occupy my time... so here I am! Ah Saturday night! We are laying low and staying in as we are trying to save money for the move, anticipating there will be many things to purchase so we are trying to save money!

I am off to look at antiques on craigslist!

Under the Sea

2009-10-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

Fridays at work from 1-3 is our Healthy Lifestyles Group, in order for me to stay healthy I go on the outings too. Yesterday it was the Aquarium of the Pacific. After making sandwiches from 7am-9am, we headed out to Long Beach on the blue line and exited the last stop- ah fresh air. An outing with a group is much like an event with my entire extended family, it is full of jokes and learning how to adjust to many different personalities and worldly views. It was geat..

There was someone missing from our group- a feeling noted throughout the noted the day from me and several others who attended however it was a fondness of memories. Just breath. A very good friend of mine sent me an email that read ' just know that when you touch someone's life and they touch yours, it's the gift that keeps giving', this couldn't be more true. This work involves getting close to people, riding through life with them during their ups and downs. I am in it for long haul, like marriage for better or for worse. It is good days like this and good times I have to note in bold and etch in my mind. Life is full of odd events and things that you often cannot make sense of, however I wouldn't change mine for anothers.

It was a nice day.

J.S.

2009-10-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

I just hung up the phone with the Los Angeles coroners office speaking with the investigator who is covering my client's case. She spoke so bluntly, matter of factly, and cold that I almost found myself getting angry. I couldn't do her job, as I am sure many people wouldn't want to do mine. J.S. was an awesome fellow- a big man with a long white beard and if he wasn't wrapped in that sarcasm or negativity that almost matched mine, I feel he could have easily been mistaken for Santa Claus.
He had lived in skid row- that dirty lonely cold and dark area of downtown that no one deserves to live in, let alone die in for years. He had been working with us for almost a decade- he and I meeting about a year ago and quickly becoming close due to the likeness in our personalities and views of the world. Distrusting, sarcastic, chain smoking, coffee drinking, shit talking man that he was, it was impossible for him not to make me laugh and also make me wonder who he was. He didn't share much personally; what events led him to become homeless wrapped in skid rows single room occupancy curse is still to me unknown.

When I was speaking to the investigator she told me he had an x-wife- one fact I knew because of what he shared about bad relationships and never wanting to let someone into his life again- though I never knew her by name or any events that happened in his marriage. The investigator also told me he has two sisters- or so history would seem based on records. I never knew of them or their existence.

In addition to these, the investigator told me he died of natural causes, clogged arteries and a fatty liver- a sigh of relief came when I understood it was natural, that no one had hurt him. She then proceeded to tell me that he also had massive bruising over his body and these and other symptoms such as the fatty liver are signs of alcoholism. I never knew him to drink. He never shared that with me. The investigator also informed me that when she questioned people who lived in his building they also reported him to be a drinker. I became quiet- listening to this lady describe someone I thought I knew- and something so common it should have come to no surprise considering where I work, but it did.

As I hung up with this woman I sat on my floor in the quiet and thought about my job. How well do I know any of my clients. I usually shy from calling them clients as it assigns a cold barcode feel to a human being however terms like member or consumer also sound equally as bad to me therefore when addressing them I call them friends. Who was this friend? How could I have missed the way he treated his isolation and depression. Every tuesday he came to my group and at some point he would always say- I just want to get home and lock the door so I can close out the world and feel safe- he told me how much he liked his apartment and how that was his comfort, safe area. But was it? Why was this man so lonely that he drank the way he did- or did he. I don't know how I wouldn't have known it. However it makes me so sad knowing this man didn't tell me, confide in me, or reach out to me. I don't know maybe he did- maybe that's what his sarcasm was for- his way of connecting to me.

I just can't get over that he died alone. If he drank it was obviously for a reason, the way alcohol affects me- there is always a reason for it. Was he lonely? I hope he knew that I, we, really cared about him. No one should ever die alone in their home, flat on floor laying there for days, until a stranger discovers them. And no one should ever die in skid row. In our group we would often talk about developing passions in life and identifying our interests, his was always watching movies and having a good cup of coffee. We made an extra pot during group and we all raised our cups to him. Two months ago I talked him into joining us on our outing to the Natural History Museum, when we all sat on the crowded bus together I looked at him and laughed, Aren't you glad you came- I asked him. He laughed and told me this was the first time he been out of skid row in years and that he was thankful however I was crazy for making him do this. We laughed.

I asked the investigator what happens if the family does not get in touch with the coroners office after they receive a notification letter - what happens to this mans body, his possessions? She told me that it would be for the office to decide however remains that are not claimed get cremated and buried in a public plot. How is this fair or right? I asked her if we could pick up the ashes in order to honor him and scatter them and she informed that it is something kin can only do unless we petition the court.

I don't know what stance the county takes on this. I hope someone comes forward to claim his remains, I hope some part of his family that was unknown to us comes forward and cries when they learn he is gone. I wonder what he was like as a child, what he looked like when he was six, and why his life turned out the way it did.

Much has happened in a week.

2009-10-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

Last weekend began with me turning in what I hope is my last rent payment EVER! Believe it or not I sort of got nostalgic. It is no surprise I love this apartment with it's old paned windows and exposed brick walls, it has been a magical place for me these last fourteen years. However it doesn't take much for me to know that in this time I have also paid over $117,000 and have nothing to show for it. Yay fat cat landlords.

So Monk and I decided to pack a lunch and head up to our alcove in Barnsdall park, we wanted one more chance to walk through the park and also decided to explore some stores we had never been in before. I actually ate Indian food at the Electric Lotus and had an Indian beer called Mahatma and an appetizer of veggie samosa's - good shit! Expect my body had trouble processing the chutney I used as a garnishment, who knew?

From there we strolled down Hillhurst and ran into a small Japanese Place where we had beer and edamame, this place was cute and right across from Albertsons yet we had never noticed it.

Then we walked down Los Feliz in the setting twilight and enjoyed the buzz of our beer and the quaint houses that line my street. In addition, we discovered a gay bar that had been here all this time called The Stone on Hollywood Blvd which is a Thai bar on most nights but hosts drag shows and gogo boys on friday and saturday. Here we asked for a good thai drink and they gave us Mekhong- it tasted like a rum and whiskey combo - very strong and very choice.

I guess I never knew how much I like my neighborhood, when you take out the hipsters, overpriced coffee shops, and all the people who sit in starbucks discussing their screenplays and audition call backs it's not that bad however I am looking forward to moving to a new area.

I feel better today, after dealing with the eight car pile up on the freeway yesterday and knowing I will be without a truck for a bit sucks, however it could have been a lot worse so I will accept it for what it, another pain in my balls and financial misfortune. Monique and Fernando came up this weekend and also explored Hollywood with us, Fernando in awe of the bright lights, stars and celebs and it was cool seeing them again. Don't get to it very often however twice in the past month- this makes me happy. Thats it.

715 Nolden

2009-10-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

It's been six months this month since Monk and I started the journey of finding our 'home'. It has been a process unlike anything I have ever been through. I am completely consumed with it. I have pretty much placed all else on the back burner in the past few months and landed focused, if not obsessed, with finding a home. I have not made one hat, shot one woman, touched my non profit business, or really talked to friends or family. Like I said obsessed. 'It's a buyers market' is pretty much what I thought when we applied for our home loan in May of this year and now I can say it has been anything but that. The slogan should have been 'It's a buyers market if you have cash in hand to buy the home in order to eliminate the competition, sit on it and flip it for profit'. You know the saying there ought to be a law, well there should be to protect first time home buyers from people buying multiple homes in order to make money. Monk and I would see homes we loved and put in our offer- day one- only to learn there were 35 other offers - most of which were conventional loan holders- which would beat us out. Lots of entering homes, looking around, visualizing decorating and having family/friends over, only to have the house gone in 60 seconds.

Behold Nolden. We first looked at this cottage- a term I have grown to understand as small- about two months ago. It had much work to be done, squatters had visited leaving holes punched in walls, graffiti all over inside and out, and was smaller in size then what we had been looking for. We re-evaluated our expectations. The house is lovely, built in 1906 and entirely from redwood, it is a small craftsman just waiting to be recognized for the beauty it used to have. We saw it and moved on it.

We are about to close escrow- all that can happen has happened and it has been one hell of a bumpy ride however when I paid my rent yesterday I took a picture of the money order as it may possibly be my last rent payment forever. The first six months will be very hard as I am going to make the monthly mortgage payments on my own, until I have paid half of the $20,000 payment Monk put down. But after May 2010 we will split everything making it quite comfortable. It has two rooms, yay guests!, and we are going to build a deck in the back for that all important fire pit under the sky. Dogs. We are going to get two dogs- hopefully one big one small, the memory of Poochinie always in tow however I feel it's time to adopt two more.
We went to home depot to get some ideas are going to utilize an additional construction loan to put $20,000 back into the home. We had it officially appraised and when our fixes are complete we will have about $60k in equity already, which makes me feel a whole lot safer. My cousin Brian will be meeting with us on Monday to take a look at the construction bid and inspect the house and check if prices are fair. Yay Brian! We did opt to have tin ceilings installed- pricey yes- but it will make the home ours and once again restore the victorian feel to it. We are going to take out the ugly sixties floor tiling and try to restore the original wooden floor and strip the paint down to expose the wooden base on all moldings. It, I feel will be ever so splendid.

It has been hard and now that I understand we are to close escrow and have the key in hand in about ten days I feel the relief and also the nausea of being a home owner. I have begun packing and donating so much stuff to my clients at work. Nolden has helped us re-examine all the Knic Knacs we have and I had to get rid of a lot of stuff which is good. 'If it doesn't fit in your coffin' has been a slogan I have been repeating throughout this process to remind me I don't need much. I would like apologize for anyone who reads this and wonders why I have been so distant, not returned phone calls or much less made them, but this life changing process is nearly complete. My best friends Steven and Todd also closed Escrow and are proud home owners themselves. Happily, they are living two hills over from us. These two are equally as impressive- to note that we all have arrived at the point in our lives where we are able to buy a home is so remarkable I cannot express the pride I have in my friends. I am also happy to note that this home will place us in East LA which puts me closer to two friends I never get to see and plan to see more often.

You know it's weird. I never thought I would possess the resources to own a home, much less in LA. I have really seen changes in myself in the past five years. Monk and I are doing much better- he focused on Culinary school and doing quite well and the stability we have is curious to say the least. For me, who loves to live impulsively fly by the seat of my pants and plan nothing, it has been one strange journey this growing up bit. However I feel changed for the better. I know this house will not be able to be the center of holiday family gatherings- since it won't hold us all- however I look forward to sharing this experience with all those I love- even if you may only come in one at a time.

Now it's saturday and I am off to look at estate sales for some new furniture!

My Brother

2009-08-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hello folks.

I am winding down after spending the weekend with my brother and other family members at various gatherings. I have only one brother and his name is officially Andrew, though I have always referred to him as Poochie since the age of three. This visit was the first time we have hung out alone since he has been single and it was very nice for us to sit together and just chat about life. We do get to spend time together however never really alone and this weekend it was nice to just be with my brother! I am pleased he has learned he can take the Amtrak down from Oakland to visit me instead of making excuses. He arrived on Friday via subway when I got off work and Monk and I took him out to some beautiful parts of Downtown LA.

Biltmore Hotel launch pad!

Young Lovers in Love

Poochie on the go!

We landed at La Cita where it was ska punk night and he and Monk danced the entire night, a glimpse of CVI to come! Ole!

Lake Piru

On Sunday he and I went up to Lake Piru, you know for old time sake. I hadn't been there since I lost Sadie and it was sad at first, as she was my camping partner, however once we settled in it was nice. Much talk about Mocha, Sadie, and life in general. Lake Piru is the closest place to my house where one can fish and camp and actually feel out of the city. It was hot, but not too hot and we actually ended up sleeping in the sleeping bags at night. I had the delight of watching Poochie perform a 2 hour girl talk dance party for me while I sat under the stars and enjoyed the fire. I hadn't opened up the tent bag since amy and I used it last summer, last stop Grand Canyon, and amy if you read this I'll have you know I couldn't get the tent back in the bag and neither could poochie- help! I have to camp more.

We awoke at 6am to the sound of birds and squirrels fighting over what pringles we left behind the night prior and headed down to AM/PM for hot coffee before fishing.

As we turned the corner on the way down the hill into the little city we spotted a family of deer, I mean entire extended family- like twenty of them, just eating on the hillside. It was beautiful.
I have neither spoken or written about it until now.

Big Fish!

All I can say it was a very nice weekend and a much needed break. I still have no news on the offer for our house and even if our offer is accepted or declined it would be nice to know. As I sit here typing this from me moms poochie and dad are at an angel game and we are law and ordering it. It is just nice to just spend time with poochie and my family, it makes everything feel less stressful.

I like you Poochie, yes I do. To 28!

Bitter Sweet Candy and the glamour shot project

2009-07-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Every once once and a while I get to work with someone who gives me purpose and sort of reminds me why I started the Chubby Pigeon project. I had the pleasure of working with 'Bitter Sweet Candy' this week and the first reason I wanted to work with her was in our phone conversations she said 'well what if I show up and you think I am too fat and don't want to shoot me?'; immediately I scheduled her. Sometimes I like to think of myself as a fat glamour shots. You remember Glamour Shots- that store located in America's malls that would to sex up housewives in the 80's to give their husbands a picture in order to remind them why they were married. Who knows, it's just what I think sometimes. I have gotten several emails from girls, ladies, women-however one is defined- where they begin their email in this way - I may be too fat to photograph for your project but I would like to order a hat.
Wha wha what?

AS uncomfortable as she may have been behind the lights and camera I hope I gave her some pictures of herself that will assist in looking at herself in a new light. She appeared apprehensive, fearful, and was so tight in her body language when I positioned her that I knew she felt out of place. However I feel what I captured was stunning.

She has her own style and flare, and I absolutely adored her face. She didn't smile for any photographs, save the ones I took when she was talking to her boyfriend who was off camera trying to relax her and make her laugh. I was comforted to know she has someone in her life who adores her and treats her well.

I love love this picture because I feel I captured a bold and confident woman who is secure in her thoughts and in who she is.

We sat and chatted after the shoot and I learned many reasons why she doesn't smile much. As an abused child bouncing in and out of foster care and ending up in a violent marriage that was dangerous for her to leave, life has not been just or kind to this person. We discussed her life and I felt honored that she felt comfortable enough to come and work with me.

One of my best shoots yet.

Wieners!!!!!!!

2009-07-19T11:33:00.001-07:00

Last night my mom dad monk and I went to Los Alamitos race track for the annual wiener dog races. Thanks amy for the recommendation!!! Although it started off crazy crowded, hot, and a bit to overwhelming for me, after the sun set we settled in and enjoyed beer and hot dogs until the last race. Everyone bet, loved, laughed, and cried! I cleared $27 and even monk who never bets enjoyed a $40 total take home!!

A must if you have never been! To see the grace and beauty of a wiener when the trumpet sounds is truly a sight to behold! Run forward, run backward, stand still, or hump the dog next to you- it truly is pure genius!

yay!

Breathe

2009-07-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

Had to get out, even if just for one day. Monk and I went out to the Temecula Wineries on Sunday and just chilled, like a bottle of nice port pleasantly cooling in the sun. We stayed at Harrah's Rincon. I don't know just why they keep sending me free offers as I don't gamble there. In fact this time I only spent the free $35 in slot play; otherwise we sipped wine throughout the valley floor and chilled poolside to their Reggae Sunday fest. It was nice to get out and not think about work or home buying and just do nothing.

I like wine, sweet wine, high alcohol content wine, and there was plenty of it! :) Mixed with other delicious goodies.

Sometimes it is nice to just do nothing.

Uncork the Champagne!

2009-07-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

'I'd like a hat please', a simple request written to me when this nice young lady visited my site. Meet Ms. Ruby Champagne, a burlesque performer in the Los Angeles area. Small and petite in size, yet with a bubbly personality, Ms Ruby and I met this week for photos. As it turns out she and I went to competing Catholic Schools; she Rosary and I St Josephs and attended at the same time. Small world huh? Welcome Ms. Champagne!

This week

2009-06-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

This week at work I held my first graduation for our SCORE group... Skid row Co-Occurring Recovery and Empowerment Program. I am proud to say we had 13 graduates from all those who started. In order to graduate one had to attend nine months of a three day a week support group and complete each exercise. I am so proud! Not only do these individuals live in skid row, deal with severe mental illness, and battle homeless; they saw to it that three days out of the week they spent two hours in group. This is a big deal!!!

I learned a lot from this group and have a tremendous amount of respect for them. Much of our conversation was about how to deal with symptoms related to mental illness in a healthy way and how to develop a support system to rely on when past trauma's surface. Where once a hand reached for pills, a pipe, or a bottle, these individuals learned to rely on the support of each other to get through it. I struggle weekly through relapses however this group gave me hope that much is possible when the mind has assured itself of change!

There were tears, helping hands, and proud speeches! It went off just as planned I hope that the group released how proud I am of all their hard work and dedication to improving their lives!

I also made this hat...

one of my proudest yet! Photographing a beauty in this hat will come this week. Stand by for pictures!

Now I sit in my moms house where I came to take shelter with the air conditioner. She goes into surgery tomorrow for a hysterectomy. She will be fine, as there is no other option and I will be there waiting to take her home!
Have a good week!

Monkey's are Go! And 36!

2009-06-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

Behold Yamashiro!

Last night I took Monkey to Yamashiro, a fine Japanese restaurant in the Hollywood Hills. He celebrated his 36 year of birth and because this last year has been very hard work for him I wanted to do something to demonstrate how I proud I am of all of his accomplishments!

Our journey began with drinks in the garden. It was also movie night so they played Ghostbusters, to celebrate their 25th birthday, on the patio as we sipped drinks and waited for our table. They had delicious Sangria with rose pedals inside the drink that made a unique yet overwhelming taste. I also tried a fruit from Hawaii, known as zapote. It sort of taste like a pear and apparently according to one charming bartender it is the new rage in Los Angeles for Martini's. I just opted for the fruit.

Once inside we enjoyed a fine cuisine of Sushi!!!!! I have recently discovered that I like unagi, eel. I got the unagi with avacado and Monkey got the sushi extravaganza, he a bit more bold and daring in taste than I. The staff were kind enough to bring him a mini birthday cake of vanilla soy bean however they failed to bang the giant gong located in the lobby when you first enter, eh. Guess the place was too classy for reenactments of Farrel's big drum and sparklers.

After dinner we strolled through the 'pagoda garden' on the restaurant grounds.

It was twilight and the weather cool. We talked about life and about how we have changed, agreeing it was for the better and explored what lies ahead. Monkey is my best friend and although at times we have been at each others throats and struggled to remain friends, I feel I am very blessed to have him in my life.

Happy Birthday Monkey!

10% Goal!

2009-06-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

I am a Weight Watcher

I haven't written anything on here yet about my journey through outer space, otherwise known as Weight Watchers so here goes.

My dad, mom, and I joined Weight Watchers on Feb 2 because we all knew we had to get a little healthier. It's been an odd journey and I am not 100% sure how I feel about it thus far. My weight when we rang in the New Year was 267 pounds. I have been heavier, however I knew I had been lighter. My goal in joining was to feel healthier and not take so many naps. Since I have joined this program I have lost a total of 36 pounds and tonight in our weight watcher meeting I got my 10% key chain. It's kinda like AA when you celebrate your month sober and they give you a keychain trinket. I released- the weight watcher term for lost- 10 % of my starting weight. My dad is right behind me with three pounds to go for his 10% and my mom about seven pounds to go. More than anything I just enjoy the weekly weigh in's and meeting. Every Monday Night I come down to Cerritos to go to meetings with them then we sit on the couch eating ice cream and watching law and order. It's a great tradition. On a side note, I also treadmill about three times a week and am now up to jogging with the help of Michael Jackson. I never thought I would jog.

Two things that are odd to me-
1. Friends and co-workers tell me I look so good. When this happens my first reaction is - fuck, what did I look like before or why didn't you say that when I was heavier.
2.- I can see the start of my rib cage and my ribs when I lay down. Ok, not that I am Iggy Pop by any stretch of the imagination but this is a new feeling to me and one that sort of makes me nauseous. When this happens there is a spot in my brain that tells me I must be losing weight because I am sick like cancer or what not. Tonight when I got the keychain I wanted to share this with the group but I chose not to. However, after confiding with my mom she said the same thing happens to her. She explored this and came to the conclusion that it may be the result of watching her daughter die of caner and become so thin. I thought about that too.

Anyway, 10%.... Weight Watchers goal weight for someone my height, 5'11, is minimum 179 pounds. I would have no tits, not to mention at 231 I have begun wearing a push up bra at all times when I want cleavage. I like tits, ah tits and if I lose anymore of them I will feel less feminine. I will keep you posted about this journey but just wanted to share it thus far. I also now wear a size 16 dress. Fuckin weird. The weight on my drivers license reads 220, this is what I weighed in high school. I am almost there and that is FINE with me!

I am now going to have some ice cream to celebrate it!

:)

Possible things I could be doing right now..

2009-06-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

I am sittin on my couch after a long day and an even longer shower and I am trying to get up and do something. Instead of getting up I have opted to make a list of possible things I 'could' be doing:

1. Clean my bathroom
2. Mop my kitchen floor
3. Fix my vacuum
4. Hang up or wash all the clothes on my floor
5. Put in a movie from netflix
Options are Best of Chris Farley or Spider
6. Make a hat or finish the one that is almost done
7. Make dinner
8. Or just eat something for dessert
9. Re-arrange furniture
10. Try on clothing that used to be too small
11. Look at new houses posted on redfin
12. Prepare and review bills to be paid next payday
13. Call my sister, brother, friends, or family
14. Ichat with someone
15. Clean out my jewelry box and pair up earrings
16. Look for neat free stuff on craigslist
17. Make Monkey a craft for his bday
18. Put a bottle of port in my freezer to chill
19. Note Number 18 would require me to defrost my frezer first - Defrost my Freezer
20. Dust and refill snow globes to appropriate water levels
21. Sew a new skirt from fabric collecting dust behind my sewing machine
22. Treadmill with my weights
23. Begin planning my halloween costume
24. Turn on the heater or close the window- its getting cold in here
25. Take apart my coffee maker and explore why its not brewing coffee anymore
26. Go buy a new coffee maker
27. Spray off and clean all picture frames on the wall
28. Update some pictures in my frames
29. Call Kaiser and refill my prescriptions
30. Look up flights or car rental costs for CVI
31. Finish the book I am reading 'Blood Meridian'
32. Make a cup of hot chocolate

Ok. So maybe I am lazy, but I will opt to say I am bored!

Jeopardy is on now- got to go, this requires no movement whatsoever!

i like the smell of musk

2009-05-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

You ever pop open a book in a used book store to simply smell the old. I do. You ever open a drawer in a thrift store and smell the inside. I do. I love the smell of musk. You ever get a gift from your grandmother that has sat in her closet untouched for forty years and sniff- I love it! I like old things. Anyway last night monk and I went bar hopping- ok well we only made it to 2 1/2 bars, I say 1/2 because one we walked in than out of.

The first bar, humbly pictured above is Trax located within Union Station- the 70 year old train station located in downtown la. It may be my dad's blood in me but I love this place. You can get there via the subway in a ten minute hop from my house so it seemed logical that we start drinking here; however one budlight and one stoli on the rocks ran us $17.00 which quickly ran us to the next bar!

The Biltmore Hotel built in 1923. Located on Grand and 5th it is one of Los Angeles's oldest hotels. It is also home to one of the most beautiful bars I have ever seen, and I've seen lots of bars.

As the drinking ensued we took this picture of us, I actually like it. I feel we are pretty cute, especially when we are plotting for demise.

Thats about it for now. Just made my mom and dad dinner and I am sitting here digesting as I write. The Angels game is on in the background while my mom is asleep aside me on the couch and my dad and I are discussing the days events, as he to was at Union Station today with the 3751 for National Train Day. Yes folks...Today is National Train Day!!

Good night from Cerritos!

Birthdays...

2009-05-03T17:35:00.000-07:00

As a counter attack to my sobriety last weekend this weekend I celebrated two birthdays with friends.

Ms. Lillian celebrated her _ _ birthday, age unreleased yet not mattered as she looked great. This is one friend I seldom get to see due to our busy schedules however I was happy to make it to this event. Hosted at a bar, the lovely Ms Lillian was personable and pleasurable and the beer enjoyable!

And Mr. Todd, always a whirlwind of a fucking pleasure to be amongst life long friends! Veggie burgers, squash and sangria. It is not quite working in my stomach today however last night it was delicious!
Happy birthday to my good peeps!

Saturday morning monk and I went to a housing workshop for first time home buyers. Fingers crossed, rabbit foot rubbed, knocking on wood, and pennies tossed I sat down. It turns out to be quite an understandable yet life changing procedure and I think it will be ok. I will write more on this as it follows however I am hopeful.
Me a homebuyer,...who the fuck would have guessed it.

See guys wishes do come true...

Cocktails? No, thank you.

2009-04-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

Today monk and I woke up at 8:30 am, got coffee, and rolled to the getty villa on pch. I haven't been here in quite some time and although they have moved much of the antiquities I liked to the new getty I still love visiting this museum if only to stroll the gorgeous hallways and act like I live here.

This weekend I had one goal, to get through a weekend without having a drink. I don't think I have a drinking problem, as long as I am not drinking. You see, I am one of those functional alcoholics in that I do not drink that often but when I do, usually a social weekend occasion, I drink too much; leaving me hung over for a couple days. The older I get the longer my hangovers last and after leaving Oakland last weekend with a hangover that lasted for three days I said to myself, self..you are not going to drink again next weekend. And you know what, this self did not drink!

The gift shop was eh and I really wanted to buy this hat but it was 25 bucks. I don't think I could really walk like an egyptian all that much so figured it wasn't worth it.

Monk also attempted to walk like an egyptian but then the man working in the gift shop told us we were not allowed to try stuff on. We scowled at him, unleashed a fury of evil converting him to stone, and managed to get out of the tomb before the snakes ate us. We made it just in time for a picnic in the alcove above the herb garden.

After the getty we drove down pch along the beaches in malibu and found ourselves in Culver City inside the Museum of Jurassic Technology. I will not describe, nor could I if I tried, what is within this museum however it is worth going to, simply beautiful and disturbing.

You can visit their site here: http://www.mjt.org/

So now it is 7:48 pm and I am going to sit down and watch sunday night telly; family guy and simpsons with monk and a glass of water. I have made it, not one drip since last weekend and I feel good knowing I actually spent a weekend out and about. There were reasons that made it hard and conclusions that made it clear I have work to do, however I feel the better person for it.

That's all. Thank you.

hello thursday night

2009-03-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd pop in and write. I dont have much to write about. Work is going as well as work can... as to say I like my job and the people I work with but despise the agency I work for. I am stuck at the slow moving monster machine known as county until august to pay back a stipend. Therefore I have begun to repeat 'until august' with my morning coffee. I accompanied one of my most needed clients, an older man who has been homeless for nine years in Long Beach due to schizophrenia, to his new apartment today and together we signed the lease. Good times. I know I am in the right place but each day I struggle to understand 'county'. If I could spend everyday out in the field just working and talking to people I would be so square unfortunately even when you wipe your ass at county you have to write a note. Therefore I have started not to wipe.

I went to san diego last weekend to visit jen and rob and get a piece of crazy monkey madness. This helped as the pictures will demonstrate...

sexy warm by the fire

where is my huffy?

Rock it dude!

Time with family always helps. This weekend looks to be good because I will not be working. I am going to help my folks transport a queen size bed to their guest room and take a trip to Costco for free samples and to pick up the printer my family gave me for my birthday. Thanks family!

I don't know, I think its that the road is calling. I watched the dvd of the road trip I took over the summer with my sis amy and I think it helped me understand something about myself. I am not a routine person, never have been. Waking at the same time leaves me tired and working monday through friday just doesn't seem to work for me. Often at work I take a break in the back alley surrounded by sky scrappers in downtown los angeles. I look up to see pieces of blue sky poke through the smog and buildings and wonder what the sky looks like in Arches or Pigeon Fordge. If I have any regret it's that I don't have more free time. When the weekend comes along I spend it here and two days doesn't offer one the freedom to really relax and sample life.

To more free time. However, I note I am blessed.

It's Nannerpuss!!!!!!!

2009-02-27T18:45:00.000-08:00

This is a result of sculpey, paint, and one new obsession!!! I made this for alex as a house warming present for his new kitchen!

You can call me....

A Good Day

2009-02-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

Good day, note it. I have been losing faith quickly in my job. I will admit that that I arrived to skid row with the 'I'm going to help make a difference' and as of late that feeling has been nothing short of decomposing. With all but two of my clients severe addicts it is hard to follow them and even harder still to note their successes. We take one step forward than roll down the hill twenty steps back. I push, they pull. I worry, they don't seem to care. I have been talking about this with my friends and family however today something happened.

I was talking to one of my clients. This client, I'll call him JR has been struggling with his sobriety. He is diagnosed with major depression, previous suicide attempts, and at 36 years old he has been into rehab over twenty times for cocaine dependence. He has periods of sobriety, some up to a year. However, those periods at some point have resulted in a slip, more so a relapse. I have been trying to remind myself, this is his recovery as he tries and fails.

In December, before the holiday, I drove him to a secluded rehab in the Antelope Valley. He lasted for two months, one month shy of graduating their 90 day program. He returned to skid row where he called me to let me know he just couldn't do it anymore. He relapsed. He relapsed again. Recently he left me a telephone message at work, on a Saturday afternoon, telling me he felt so bad about relapsing he was going to overdose on pills. He told me his body would be found at the LA Morgue and to please let his family know he was sorry. (inhale)

That Monday, as I heard the frantic message I phoned all local hospitals and he was no where to be found. I called the morgue- not there. Checked the jails and not there either. Well today he came into the clinic and we sat in the setting afternoon sun talking about his life and his struggle with sobriety. I listened like I always do with little faith that I nothing I did matter. I listened to his story about checking himself into the hospital on Saturday and than how he got out Monday and used again because it makes him feel 'normal'. Then he said...

'Rebecca, why do you always listen to me. I have never worked with anyone like you before. You know when I relapsed last week you were the first person I thought of calling. Right before I scored of thought of you and what you would say. I thought about you in rehab and how I would make you sad if I quit. When I wanted to kill myself on Saturday I thought of you and what you might say to me and I couldn't do it because I didn't want to let you down. (I held back crying) You always support me and never judge me and always make me feel like I am important. No one has eve done that before.'

We finished a two hour conversation sitting curbside on skid row watching all the drug dealers and users walk past. I watched three people pee on the wall right in front of us and heard a woman and a man fighting in the room above us and the rats that roam the streets at night surfaced from underground for dinner. For the first time since I have been at this job I felt like I belonged, like I had come to the right place. I needed this and more so I need to remember this.

Good day.

My Bar

2009-02-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

This is my bar. I found this bar on someone's lawn who had left it out for the trash. It is a beautiful bar however this piece of wood, trimmed with leather and fancy embroidered fabric, represents so much more than furniture. Through the years it has become a place where me and my friends gather. It was never on purpose, in fact I have two couches and table in my house where people may sit comfortably. However, when my friends and I drink, which we do in great abundance on occasion, it becomes a gathering place. It's ironic, no one ever stood up and drank in my home however I have begun to notice that an hour into drinking finds us standing around this piece of furniture laughing, much like your neighborhood bar. Here are some example..

Here you find Monique, Fernando, Todd and Alex, casually enjoying themselves.

Here you find Monqiue and I standing idly as Alex pours us drinks.

Here you find a handsome gent by the name of Berto, using the bar as an accent to his already sexy self.

It is weird. I was looking at this bar tonight and I got to thinking about my friends, crazy fuckers. Thinking about my friends over the years I can note not much has changed. They are the same, more strong and meaningful than years past. It is not to say I don't speak to any other people however I have a core group with whom I speak a great deal. These do not include my family, with whom I will always stay close. It goes something like this.

Alex
My best friend. He and I have been together since 1996, having both our ups and downs, he remains my best friend.

Monique.
I love this crazy bitch. Knowing her since I was 14, makes it hard for me not to call her my best friend. She recently found a new and will shortly, if not already, be moving to Las Vegas. Her boyfriend Fernando is great and I think they will have one hell of a Vegas wedding, it better be open bar. Though her and I do not see eye to eye on politics or religion, we have managed to remain very close even if our living arrangements keep us apart.

Todd
Having come into my life as Steven's 'new thing' 15 years ago he has since become a best friend. He and I see eye to eye on everything and he is positively the most hilarious person to go out with, even though our drinking together often finds me defending him in fights he obviously caused. He has a passion for assisting for those underserved people like myself and I will proudly stand and cheer when he obtains his grad degree!

Todd & Todd & Alex
Todd, in the middle, yup there are two todds, and this todd is also a good friend. Unfortunately he resides in butthole Costa Mesa so I don't get to see him as much. He is an intelligent and well spoken person, I am proud he is my friend.

Steven (with whom I hardly get to see!)
Ah Steven, what can I say after 20 years of friendship. There is no one like Steven.

It is not for lack of others that I don't mention anyone else, it is just these are the people I find most often in my house, leaning against my bar. Sure we have all had our downside. I have watched those above kick heroin, speed, and opiates, and sat beside them in AA. We have written each other while in prison. I have watched them fight, break up and reunite. I have stood in between them when conversations became escalated. But they are my friends. Never judging me, never reminding me of what I have done wrong, and always there when I need to complain,cry, and rant.

Thanks guys, you're welcome at my bar anytime!!

Life in a Month

2009-01-27T18:04:00.000-08:00

Ring in the New Year!

Lobsters and Steak!!!!

So this is my 2009. I am getting over my third cold, actually this one is a sinus infection, however I am in the mood to write so I plopped onto the site. My 2008 went out with a bang. It was an awkward holiday as many family members spent mourning the loss of Mocha, dog on the go. It has been particularly hard on my father and brother however I am glad Mocha is no longer in pain. Both her and Sadie are eating poptarts in my memories now. I still can be found standing in my parents backyard yelling 'Action!' the word I used to yell when both dogs were hanging out together in a vain attempt to get Sadie to run around. It basically amounted to her walking slowly toward the avocado tree but Mocha always liked it. Her ashes currently reside on the my parents sofa, the sofa she was never allowed on. New Years eve was a blasto too. Monkey interrupted prayer at the New Years eve family dinner with a knock knock joke, he also passed out shortly there after. (see below for his celebration)

I didnt really mind the knock knock joke because I dont think anyone is listening anyway and once my sister got drunk she stole all the thunder! :) THUNDER! It was hysterical and so nice to not be the one on the kitchen floor for a change.

Most of the family was there, including my bad ass family from Davis that I never get to see. I love my aunt and seeing her hubby cutting loose and giving, nay, forcing out shots was a jolly old laugh. Save Jay when woke up puking, but you know who didn't puke, me! Odd huh. Anyway, I love my family. Notice the B's werent there but we did channel ichat!

And then Obama!! I watched the swearing in at my cubicle at work and cried when he placed his hand on the bible Lincoln used for his swearing in. I have faith that he will be able to unite people and move us forward however I am realistic in the walls that have to come down..

Last year brought my sister and Berto together. It has been so nice seeing both of them happy. Struggled and lonely as they had been and both not enjoying the dating scene, they finally sealed the deal at CVI and continue to be happy together. I am so pleased that two people who kick so much ass are making a go of it, (at Grover Cloverland)

See. it looks natural huh?

So 2009 rolled in. My brother and Mandy broke up. I think I took it hard, still hurts. I wish them both well in their future lives and hope to still be in Mandy's life, however right now that doesn't seem likely. I took the fall for lack of honesty and eventually I hope my brother clears my name but in the meantime I just want whats best for both of them. Berto will be moving in and I hope this advances my brothers responsibility and also his social skills. Poochie is single ladies, LINE UP behind me.

Vagina weekend came! This year we rented a cabin up north along the Russian River. Can I just say 'Is Tamara Home?', if you've seen The Strangers you feel my fear. It was so nice. We had no neighbors and arrived to the cabin in pitch darkness, well in the morning I would find us to be in the backyard of the Korbel Winery. Who needs coffee?!

The Cabin

The View!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me just someone got ripped off. For forty dollars you got a bracelet that gave you access to like 80 wineries and I feel like we did it justice on Saturday! We started off at Korbel and sampled every champagne, port, and brandy with decadent food to follow. Then like frogs in heaven we jumped from pad to pad sippin on wine of all types. Blissful.... It was nice just being alone with my sisters and my mom. There was nice talk in the outdoor jacuzzi and nice naps on the guest bed which overlooked the forest. I don't get to spend too much time with the women in my family and I always find Vagina Weekend to be such a supportive and bonding experience.

and ended up, per my wining, at the River Rock Casino, where I pocketed $320 bucks!! Amy won too! So I treated everyone to a bad ass Mexican dinner with nachos and beer! I love hanging out with the vaginas!

Go mom!

Ya think so?

All in all its been a good year. My relationship with Monk is going very well and he continues to astound me in his progress with his personal challenges. Work is still work and I am learning so many new things about myself. My last photo shoot went very well and I plan on getting back on this hobby horse.

-My stunning last model, Josie Bunny.

I am spending the next two nights from 8pm-2am volunteering for the Los Angeles Homeless Service Authority (LAHSA) helping them with their annual Los Angeles county homeless count. I used the demographics gathered from the 2005 survey for my thesis and also in all of my nonprofit work and political arguments so I figure I have to give back. I am just as passionate and forced in my desire to help others as I have ever been, however have been working on my boundaries. I know I am where I am supposed to be right now. I drove a client to Acton rehab today, out in Antelope Valley, and when I waiting in the lobby for him at his intake I picked up a magazine about outdoor living and the feature was houses in Moab. Odd huh? It's still calling me. I smiled.

Well I think thats that. Drop me a line and say hello or take me out for a drink in a new watering hole!

Home Sick

2009-01-07T12:42:00.001-08:00

I am sick. Sick again. I just had a cold before Christmas and thought I was immune, immune I tells ya but no, no I am not. I went to work yesterday trying to power my way through the day and ending up leaving early. So now I sit on the couch stuck here surrounded by day time tv, have you ever seen anything more depressing. My morning began with Jerry Springer and now I am watching Maury, it a celebrity look like episode. HELP!!!

I hate using sick time when I'm actually sick. In fact I dont remember the last time I called in sick for being actually sick. I'm not out having fun, on a trip, or hung over. Nope, I am sick. There isn't much to do in your house when your sick. You lay on the couch and look around at projects you could finish but where is the energy. You lay around thinking about fun times you could having using a sick day and think about getting up and showering cuz you could go out, but no, you are sick.

My regiment includes tylenol cough syrup every three hours and 'Sine Off' pills monkey's dad got from some Mexican knock off store, these pills actually work and every once in awhile my nose dries up. When I sneeze its bliss because for the next three seconds I can actually breathe about of both nostrils.Ahhhh. I am taking cough drops, sippin tea, drinking chicken soup, and occasionally enjoying hot chocolate. I can't hear out of my ears and when I speak the sound of my own voice echoes in my head. It's great, especially when I sing.

Well, drop me a line, or three or four, I am so sad sick and bored! :)

Ho Ho Hoe!

2008-12-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

Its been six days since Santacon in San Francisco and I am no less a Ms Claus today than that time.

Eggnog?

County Hospital

2008-12-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Our county continues to astonish me. Yay! This could be because it is now 2:28 am and I have been at County USC hospital since 10:30 am, when I joined Monk whom I had dropped off at ER around 7am. Yup I have been sittin in this waiting room for 16 hours. You see, Monk visited a Hollywood Clinic last night for a EKG in order to have his heart assessed for his meds. Upon the print out the nurse says ‘Oh, you have to go to emergency, you have a abnormal heart’. If the thought of someone telling you that you have an irregular heart rate doesn’t scare the hell out of you, imagine they tell you this and you live in one of the most populated cities on the planet and you don’t have health care; behold…County Hospital.

I think about how great it is that we even have access to a county hospital as so many people living on this planet have no hospital access whatsoever, so before I begin my bitch session don’t think I haven’t thought about that. However, this is America right?, the ‘world power’ the industrialized nation and Los Angeles is one of the richest places on the planet, so come on is health care too much to ask for. Yes, yes it is.

Maybe you have heard the horror stories about County USC hospital or ‘County’ as it’s called. From the outside the almost century old building stands proud with plush gardens and a newly built wing for psychiatric and ER patients. However, once inside the grim truth greets you as people lay bellowing in pain sitting in chairs stacked high to the ceiling. Monk sat in the emergency from 7am until 10:33 pm when they finally called him, almost 16 hours. Now its almost 3am and I, having just asked if he will be admitted, has been informed the doctor hasn’t seen him yet, so the nurse can neither confirm nor deny his admittance. I have had four large cups of coffee, downloaded tetris on my phone for $6.95, played free slots on my laptop, read Scientologist literature, smoked a pack of cigarettes while reading free literature on how to quit, and fed several outdoor pigeons.

I also watched a lady, escorted by her husband, throw up blood all over the entrance to ER. No one cleaned it up and if you go out to the walk way you can still see it. She was issued a gurney at the door on which she laid in the corner of the ER waiting room for 45 minutes throwing up blood until someone took her into the back. There was a man sitting next to Monk and I who was throwing up lime green vomit, he too was hunched over in pain. He was admitted 7 hours after arriving. GREEN VOMIT! At 10:45pm a man came in who had been shot in the upper arm. He had a towel over the wound. It took him 45 minutes to be admitted.

As I sit here in this shiny new waiting room there hangs a banner over my head, ‘Surrounding you with innovation: New Hospital, New Technology, New Network. A Tradition of Excellence’. I am sitting here fantasizing about the banner falling from the cathedral style ceiling on to someone’s head in the waiting room only to see how long it will take for this ‘tradition of excellence’ to begin. The truth is our health care system, or lack there of, is no laughing manner. There are families surrounding me with parents hugging their little ones in blankets, signing songs in Spanish to them as they rock back and forth with worried expressions on their faces. There are husbands who lay in the laps of their wives who look helpless and frightened like the little boys they once were. All eyes face the door. It sort of reminds me of playing Keno. Everyone here is focused, waiting for their number to be called. However there is no numerical pattern. Because no one here has health insurance everyone is seen by how critical their injuries are. Therefore you have about seventy people who have been waiting most of the day and night for things like the flu, cold, or cough. When the emergency door opens we all hold our breath as we pray the next person who joins us won’t be worse off. If the next one in the boat is a heart attack, stroke, or poison victim that pushes everyone back an hour, at least.

Here you also see people for who they are. Several people speak under their breath about all the Latinos getting medical attention who are here without documentation while those hard working Americans struggle. I was outside smoking when a white man from Kern County said this to me as we smoked. I said, actually we don’t give undocumented immigrants Medi-Cal, however he didn’t believe me. Then there are the negative views of the homeless. A sigh from the older gentleman next to me when a homeless man entered the room, usually escorted by the paramedic that brought them in, lets me know it’s just another undeserving person seeking services. There are several mentally ill homeless people here. They talk to themselves, are extremely unkept, and odorous- much the way a homeless person who sleeps on the streets would be. This place is a monster. When the big one hits please make sure you have your health insurance card on you and if you happen to get injured during the quake and you don’t have insurance I wish you a quick and painless death for this place will.

Monk and I finally head for home at 5:45am with a big yellow moon hanging on the horizon. We talk about all those who are still waiting. I do not doubt that the people who work there are doing the best they can, but how good is that when there are too many people in need of services and not enough service to offer them.

Helpless

2008-11-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know if anyone out there in internet space even reads my posts and I often wonder why I just don't get out my journal and write instead but I find some solace in this blog.

It's 8:00 am, no alarm sounded this morning and it was a great opportunity to sleep in however I just woke up, laid there, and stared at the ceiling. So I made coffee, read the paper, looked out the window, and lit a smoke. This week work has been hell, no not the type of hell you get placed in for some random sin you committed over your lifetime by a loveless and thankless god, but the real kind of hell you find yourself staring at when you feel the absence of hope.

Here is the breakdown of my week at work:
-51/50'd a man who has been making such great progress however he relapsed and came up with a plan that he was going to start random fights with strangers until he found one that would kick his ass to the point of death. When I asked if he was suicidal he said "yes, I'm a freak, wouldn't you want to be dead if you were me?' So he was held in the hospital for one day and I went to pick up when he was released, he appeared fine. The same night he relapsed again and tore apart his room at his board and care. He has sense been MIA however will call me on my cell from pay phones to tell me it's only a matter of time now till he dies and to take care of myself. Helpless.
-Talked another man into going to the hospital because I believe he has gangrene in his foot. His ankle is the size of a grapefruit and it is entirely black, he can no longer walk on it. His reason for not going to the hospital, 'I dont care, let it fall off, my life is shitty anyway, maybe people will be nicer to me if I only have one leg.' I just stared at him. His plan after we left a hospital that essentially just gave him a cane and told him if he didn't go to County hospital he would loose his leg soon, he lacks Medi-Cal, is to wait until his leg starts to smell (decompose) then he'll find someone to cut it off. Helpless.
-Worked with another women who has two black eyes and only comes in to see me after her boyfriend has kicked the shit out of her, she tells me its over when she visits, she understands why she has to leave, and how next time she may die. As I am leaving work on friday I see them walking across an intersection together holding hands. Helpless.
-Placed a man in rehab after he assured me he was ready to quit and he was actually making great progress. He called me from the rehab on thursday to let me know there were more drugs in the program than skid row. He said 'Its great this place is like a hotel and because there are so many visitors to the people in the program they bring drugs, and its cheaper then buying drugs on the streets, but dont worry, I am still trying to quit and I just want to be honest with you.' Helpless.
-Visited a women who is in her sixties at her hotel room that has no bathroom, only shared bathroom down the hall, and she informed me cheerfully she had made a makeshift toilet in her room because there was a man who was threatening her for money so she didn't even feel safe enough to use the bathroom in the hotel. She literally will sit in a chair and take a shit into a plastic bag then when she feels safe will throw it out, sometimes the bags pile up in her room and she puts them under her bed. Helpless.

I feel so helpless, I stand aside my peeps as they take one step forward and eight steps backward. I closed three cases of peeps who went to jail so they were dis-enrolled, after we made progress, only to inherit three more people that put me back at step one: outreach, engage, and try to help.

I feel like I am putting a bandaid on a on a car crash victim and telling them it will be ok, when in the back of my head I know the person is going to die. From where I stand it seems so logical, yet from where these people stand there is no logic. I think about them when I lay down to go to bed at night, the first thing when I wake up, and throughout my day.

I have to find something to do today, my day off, to actually make it a day off.

Flamenco Vs. Flamingo

2008-11-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the earth stops... and when it starts again you don't even know your name. Especially after 4 pitchers of Sangria.

On Saturday the proud and classy alumni of Cal State LA got together at EL Cid to have dinner and watch Flamenco dancers twirl and stomp. Que beautiful it was. It was a fine mesh of people their for dinner and lots of protestors that came in off the the streets looking for a cool refreshment after yelling themselves horse at the passing of Prop 8. Once the show was over we packed up the crew and headed to Smog Cutters for a bit of drunken karaoke. Good times. I made many wonderful friends at school, the closest of them were there that evening and it was nice to be among them again. It was also a sobering realization that we are all professionals now as the bill arrived at $677.77 and we were all able to pay for it. I don't ever spend that kind of money on anything, however this experience was one to remember.

Happy Birthday Ms. Lisa.

Victory & Defeat

2008-11-05T18:38:00.000-08:00

Can I get an Amen!
However, with the election victory came the passage of Prop. 8, denying gays the right to marry. My sister's best friend, Greg, wrote this as he sat in wait to gain access to an act so many 'straight' people take advantage of. What he wrote was honest and tearful yet so touching that I wanted as many people to read it as possible.

"Last night, the chickens won. In my home state of California, voters elected to give certain rights to farm animals, while at the same time they chose to eliminate my right to marry the person I love. Having been disappointed by my fellow Americans in the past over similar issues and knowing that the passage of Proposition 8 would dampen whatever elation I felt over the victory of Barack Obama, I chose to decline all invitations to election "parties" and instead headed to a local coffeehouse to do some work. Of course, the election was unavoidable there too as crowds gathered around the big screen television, cheering and booing as individual state results began to pour in. But again, I was able to be alone, by myself in my little corner, pretending to do "work" while secretly fretting over the California results that were still hours away.
And so it is a change in the wind with a new hope for a better direction for our country.

At 8pm, it became official. Barack Obama was our nation's first African-American President-Elect. The coffeehouse erupted in applause. Cars honked on the street, whistles pierced the air and I found myself inexplicably on my feet with chills running down my spine. I suddenly was hugging a stranger. And then another. Each of us patting the other on the back and congratulating ourselves for participating in this momentous event. I glanced to my left, and sitting alone, at a table just like mine, was an African-American woman in her late 40's, with tears streaming down her face. I wondered how many times she had chose to face an election alone in order to suffer her own disappointment in private, just as I was attempting to do tonight. How many times had she been let down by her co-workers, neighbors, and family members in her fight to be recognized as equal in the eyes of all? And in that moment, I realized a lesson in patience.

Our struggle as gay and lesbian Americans is a baby in comparison to other civil rights' efforts and we are certainly suffering from another setback today. But if last night's election proved anything it is that in the United States of America progress is inevitable, sometimes is just takes time. Almost a decade ago, anti-gay Californians passed similar discriminatory legislation with the Knight campaign that defined marriage as between a man and a woman. But their victory that night was much more decisive. Today we see that Proposition 8 will only pass by the narrowest of margins. And as Barack Obama took the stage last night, for the first time ever, I was mentioned in a presidential acceptance speech. As he talked of inclusion, he spoke of uniting not just Blacks, Whites, Asians, Latinos, Native Americans, the rich and the poor, but of gays and lesbians too. Two times in one night, history was being made and I was part of the conversation. Change is on the way and history will recognize our struggles. The chickens may have been victorious last night, but this caged bird knows he'll get to sing very, very soon."
-Greg

I have hope that all people, created equally, will one day actually have access to those equal rights I keep hearing about.

Didn't your parents teach you how to share?

2008-11-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

-'John McCain believes in providing opportunity while Barack Obama believes in mandating sharing the wealth.
Obama believes in mandating shared wealth, why? Americans have a history of sharing their hard earned money with the underprivileged and there is equal opportunity for everyone in America.' --thelizardannex

Bleeding heart liberal is a phrase defined as a person who is considered excessively sympathetic toward those who are underprivileged or exploited, fuck yeah I am a bleeding heart liberal. But much like Peter being asked if he knew Jesus, it's something many people are afraid to admit after that phrase was connected with weakness and ignorance. Well ladies and gentlemen I offer you the new bleeding heart liberal phrase, socialist. I am not certain if it was the second or third of the presidential debates that Senator McCain used the term 'class warfare', but I heard it, sat up, and took notice. Having never really thought of Obama as a Marxist, I started to sift through peoples blogs with the three words Obama McCain and Socialist to understand how I could've missed it! Now I am sitting at the kitchen table enjoying my cup of coffee with the fine writings of my fellow Americans, like that quote above.

Remember when you were in grade school and someone would forget their lunch? Instinctively, as a human, you would offer that person half your sandwich and some of your chips. Why? Because your parents/parent taught you how to share and its just WHAT YOU DO AS A HUMAN BEING. You never looked at the kid and thought, fuckin lazy kid forgot to bring his lunch, fuck him that's his fault. You simply shared. So how old were we when we stopped sharing?

This person wrote 'There is a difference between charity/sharing and taxation. Sharing is an act one chooses to do, taxation is something that is forced. If I don’t share, I’m just an ass. If I don’t pay taxes I’m heading to jail.' My feelings are if people did share, we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now. And why not share, isn't that what Jesus did? However, where in the definition of capitalism does it say share? I was thinking about all the companies I support as a consumer and though some are more ethical than others none can honestly say they don't exploit their workers. By exploit I mean pay a honest wage, a wage that will allow someone to buy a home regardless of the geography in which they live. If the company is making a profit, someone is getting paid more than someone else. The majority of time when that happens in capitalism it's the stockholders/investors who make a profit, not the people actually working. You cannot argue that it takes money in a capitalistic society to make money. Much like Monopoly, the more money you start out with the greater the opportunity to make money. The fact is if everyone was offered equal opportunity to education, livable wages, and stable/safe/ affordable housing, on a level playing field at birth most people's odds would increase. This is not to say everyone is equal, I understand some people work harder than others and some people have a higher education than others, but when you start out at the bottom where is the drive to work harder.

This country was built on the notion that if you just work harder anything is possible, I don't know who would buy that phrase in 2008. I work my ass off, make more than a livable wage, have my graduate degree, yet I will never be able to afford a home Los Angeles and without a home I am at a disadvantage to others. I lack the retirement, investment, and security homeowners have. But I know I live in a very populated city, however understand there are many people who own multiple homes because they need them to make money, after all 56% of homes owned in Los Angeles are used as rentals and purchased as investments, not for the purchaser to live in. But wait there's more, the medium household income in Los Angeles is $44, 894 and to own a home in Los Angeles you need an income of at least $88,900 a year, 1/3 of your income is a safe mortgage payment. So people need to be told share, that's so unreasonable.

The cookies are burning!

2008-10-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

3 Days to go until friday. There is something so mysterious, so miraculous, and so so mischevious about Halloween.

I packed up my bags and headed to Vons, because I am Grace Prine's daughter, so I could get halloween cookie dough. Tomorrow is our staff meeting at work and though I often cannot understand the actions of some of my co-workers everyone deserves a halloween treat, or TriCk!

Somewhere between the spice rack and the flour bags I became increasingly lazy and picked up these easy bake cookies. Cute yes and most definitely spooky. They were almost as easy as cup o soups! Then I spread out my 18 plates and proceeded to stack treats o high.

Somewhere between eating m&ms and wrapping plates with plastic wrap I became tired. But no, I must spread cheer so onward I pressed until all the plates were done. Man I am an awesome co-worker. Not only will I work with the clients you have quit on, I will make you cookies too!

I then proceeded to check online for Castro info, convinced and in denial that the event was over. There was a website called halloweeninthecastro.com that says it is on. However that site was met with like ten others that warn if you go to Castro you will be arrested! Who knew? All I know is I like halloween and by golly I am going to enjoy it!

HaLLowEEn!

ThiS iS HaLlOwEEn!

2008-10-27T17:37:00.001-07:00

I havent posted for awhile so here goes...

Spent the weekend before Halloween with 2 ghouls..

Bodhi and Zoey, Bozo as they are most commonly referred to as, went with me to the pumpkin patch. I accepted the assignment of baby sittin this weekend while Disco Rob was honored for being one top doc. It was 5pm and the sun was going down at the Del Mar Fairgrounds when they went CRAZY. Somewhere between kettle corn pirate gummys and ice cream it occurred to me they didnt have dinner. This sugar fiesta resulted in two crazy kids, seriously nuts. However Pax was calm and collected. He really kept it together.

and one sweet pumpkin....

I love love Halloween, did you know this. Tonight I am going to finish my costume, going as Medusa. The head piece will hopefully fit on the BART and nothing beats roaming through a city at dusk with a costume, snake staff in one hand and beer in the other, gazing at sexy lobsters...
I mean on what other day of the year could you be a sexy lobster, snake queen, strawberry shortcake, or a wicked witch and still expect service? On what other night do you want to hump everyone that passes you with fishnets, corsets, wigs, and masks? Ever notice how everyone looks sexy on halloween? Monk and I are going to Oakland for Halloween, to spend that night in San Francisco with Mandrew Amy and Berto. Sadly, Castro is no more however with a city so lush in dark culture and debauchery how could I stay home.

I am sitting on the couch looking at my sewing machine and corset wondering how I will piece everything together??? First shower, than a nap, and thennnnnnn I begin the outfit!

Viva la Halloween!! 4 days to go!

Mood- Beside myself!!

our economy

2008-10-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

This morning on NPR I heard someone say this about our economic situation

'Private profits, Socialized losses'

Brilliant. I couldn't have said it better. I do not think we, the lower class or middle class, should have to bail out people who profited off people they knew were never going to be able to make their mortgage payments. Those people lost their homes and stood by helpless as their credit crumbled while investment brokers profited. Then I went home for dinner last night to my folks house. My parents, whom like most people their age, have their retirement tied up in investments; investments that will never have time to recover before they need the money to retire on. Thus far my parents have lost about $200,000 of their nest egg and watched as the value of their home dropped to $450,000 from the almost $900,000 it was two years ago.

So bail out huh? I dont know. We ate spaghetti.

Sassy Ashley

2008-09-26T20:38:00.000-07:00

Yee intruders beware! Crushing death and grief!

Ashley has been a good friend to me for over six years. She is one of the most kind people I have known, she gives until it hurts her and often wonders through life searching for buried treasure like this girl does. Finally she agreed to sit down and let me turn her into a glamour girl. The night before her shoot she stayed up and watched Zoolander to study Blue Steel's modeling moves. I believe it paid off!

She is a jeans and t-shirt girl but I think I was able to capture a more feminine side of her, and yes folks she even put on lipstick and fake eye lashes for me.

And.... she always smells like a vanilla ice cream cone.

I love you ashley... I mean Blue Steel!

All of her pics are up on the main site! enjoy.

And now Ms Fever Blister...

2008-09-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

I give you Ms Fever Blister! This is the brains and beauty behind 'Paws for a Cause' a new nonprofit group which seeks to assist low income pet owners when emergency strikes and services are needed. She is one of the most amazing, charismatic, and charming woman I have met thus far for my ChubbyPigeon project.

When this silly girl was not laughing or sticking her tongue out at me, as she often makes comical faces, I was able to capture a more serious seductive side of her, yeah I said seductive! She performs all over Southern California in a variety of burlesque shows and can also be found in back alleys or when she is lucky, stalking butcher shops.

Do drop in and say hello to her, she is most likely to bring a smile.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=125971275

welcome Ms Fever Blister, you are makin me itch!

a brief trip to china town

2008-09-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

anyone want to drink down china town with me?

Center for Inquiry gets five stars

2008-09-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

Last night at midnight Alex took to my first ever stand up comedy show at the Center for Inquiry. The center, one block east of my apartment, is my voting place and I always wondered what they did there. It is an atheist based organization dedicated to promoting critical inquiry and human enrichment. Every Saturday night at midnight they host what's known as The Tomorrow Show. A comedy show so crass and politically jarring if you don't like the state of our country the least you can do is have a good laugh about it.

www.cfiwest.org

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time, at times I gasped for air and couldn't breathe, and I would like to point out I was sober. The show lasted until 3am and although my butt was numb when I was walking home and still now as I sit here and type this, it was worth it! Wake up butt cheeks!

Anyway check these guys out, they have centers everywhere and admission to events looks to be five bucks or less and they are good people.

-check it out!

and now coffee.

Starting a nonprofit for Dummies

2008-09-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight will be a good night. I am meeting with a fellow homeless advocate and we are going to crack a bottle of wine and brainstorm how to start our own nonprofit. As most of you know I began working in downtown Los Angeles about a
month ago in 'skid row'. The job has been, at times, rewarding however it is incredibly frustrating because none of the agencies work together. Funds are so scarce that most agencies will not help those clients who are not members of
their shelter. So I am thinking what the fuck?

The fact is, the majority of my clients are so paranoid, schizophrenic, or isolated they would rather be on the streets
because they don't trust being around people. Many of these clients have stayed in the emergency shelters and contracted lice, scabies, or had items stolen from them or witnessed violent fights so they choose to sleep on the streets where they actually feel safer. Because of this they are do not have access to hygiene and clothing items that most people in shelters have. And these agencies have basements full of clothing. Its power play at its worst. I dont know what I was thinking about assuming everyone who worked in 'skid row' had the best interest of homeless people in mind. Many people wont even call me back or if I am lucky enough to get an appointment to go and meet someone at an agency they tell me they cant help because the client has to be with me. How the fuck do you get someone who is paranoid schizophrenic into a car and take them some place they have never been. Its really ridiculous.

So I made some phone calls to the actual warehouse super agencies that deliver goods to these shelters and they laid down the facts. Find an agency that will sign off for goods for you and we can deliver goods to you through them. 'Sorry, we dont donate to county'. Frustration and chain smoking began. So I was thinking how hard could it be to start my own nonprofit. Well folks not that hard. You need to come up with $1,000 to register your group, fill out mounds of paperwork proving your mission, elect a board, obtain an employee number with your county office, and build a website. So, first things first we are going to come up with our name and mission statement then talk about some fundraising activities. I was thinking if one hundred people I knew donated ten bucks that would cover the register. ten bucks!

Hence my post. CAN ANYONE THINK OF A CATCHY NAME?
Our basic mission is to obtain donations of clothing and hygiene products that will be hand delivered to those who most need them and to offer hygiene baskets and metro bus passes to those just released from jails or hospitals.
The name I wanted most and that was most catchy to me was 'Never Nude'- :) However alex thought that was too shameful. I also like 'Shirt off your back'.

Ideas?

-me

Close Encounter of a Slithery Kind

2008-09-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

I had a visitor tonight. As I walking from my living room to the kitchen I saw a slither outta the corner of my chicken eye. I quickly reverted to the snake patrol stance I learned on my road trip grabbed the flashlight and assumed the position! I gathered the pot from a frying pan and after following the creature from under my bar, behind the tv, under the couch, and between Clue and Battleship I cornered him! (or her) Upon closer inspection my slithering friend appeared to be a tiny baby lizard, long in size but quite thin- something I'm not used to in this all things round house.

We shared a moment and then I set him/her free on the ledge of my window where he/she once again wondered wild into the setting sun. I have named him/her Frogger.

May you have a good life Frogger.

Laboring

2008-09-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Last night at 3:02 am tragedy struck and the filming of our 90210 video took a turn for the worse. Todd crashed into the bar in a vain attempt to reenact the vollyball scene between dylan and brandon. Half my glasses broke- no biggie here as most of them were stolen from various casinos and wine tastings- but a monkeys pride and joy shattered into six pieces. A gorgeous hand crafted robot which took days to complete, sculpted from clay, now sits on top of my kitchen table waiting to be repaired. We should've seen this coming but nope, too much whiskey and my will to recreate the intro to 90210 got the better of us. The mood was quickly somber and one very drunk todd was poured into bed. It is a quiet day in my house and I am trying to stay busy.

I have decided to pull everything out of my closet and get rid of lots of shit I dont need. There are three piles. One for laundry because moths need baths too, one for needs to be hung up, and one for ship it off on the next boat and that boat is getting full! I have lots of stuff in my closet that I was always going to fit into one day, going to alter through sewing, or it was cheap so I bought it- all of that is shipping off to goodwill.

Labor!

CVI 2008

2008-08-19T19:05:00.001-07:00

This was the 9th year, next year will be our ten year anniversary, dont know how we are going to top that!!!

-made by mandy melson!!!

I love her.

-boobshot

Meet Demonika Darkly

2008-08-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of meeting yet another fine woman for my chubbypigeon project yesterday. Demonika is amazing, both in body and soul. Surviving a fire nearly ten years ago and almost dying, this woman arose from the ashes and formed a new and stronger self.

She has many creative projects in the Los Angeles area including her band known as Demonika And The Darklings. She entertains people with her voice, musical abilities, and creativity. She is confident as well as a confidence builder in everyone she comes into contact with, truly believing in herself. If I could just have a slice of her confidence pie I would be happy! :) With whipped cream!

You can view more pictures of her my site or stop by and pay her a visit at her site at www.DemonikaAndTheDarklings.com

I hope we see more of her!

Another reason to move to Japan!

2008-08-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

On October 17 2007 I posted about my affections, no sheer pleasure, for q-tips. This morning I am proud to write that I am not alone.

A friend pointed out that there are ear cleaning establishment, called Nagomiya, in Japan. 'After paying 2,500 yen for 30 mins or 4,500 yen for 60 mins, a girl dressed in traditional Japanese clothing will let you lay your head in her warm lap while she gives your ears a good going over. First off you get some tea and a cold oshibori (wet towel). You then lay your head in her lap where upon she uses cold lotion to give your ears a massage. After that she proceeds to clean out your ears with an ear cleansing utensil. She then takes your ear wax and stirs it into warm soda water where upon she drinks it right before your eyes.'

I like it!

Channel Surfing

2008-08-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

There is an old western on channel 13, a football game on 11, news repeats on 9, some show about doctors which is more like a soap opera, on 7, a teen drama on 5, and the save my soul channels PBS and KCET are both disappointing me now. There is city construction on the street outside, some type of emergency hole is being pounded through to the sewer. It is hot and humid and my fridge offers no relief. In it now to drink are four things: over 40 cans of beer which I rescued from Vegas, flat sprite, a half drank soda that tasted bad so I put it back in the fridge instead of throwing it away (why I dont know), and water. I am having a glass of water. The fan is suckin semi cold air in the front windows and pushin the hot air to the back of my small cave, so rest assured when this bear hibernates tonight she will not be happy.

Its quiet here. I have been sitting here since I got home at 5pm trying to figure out why I am in a funk. My phone has not rang and I miss Monique who has been in Vegas for weeks and fear her move there is imminent. I dont have any plans for anything and I think that's part of the issue. All week I have come home from work and just come home. My summer road trip came and went, CVI is over, and now I work. Work for the first time in my life is 8 to 4. I dont think the mundane m-f schedule is for me. Its not that I dont like the job, in fact it is getting better than when I first started. I just feel so bland.

You see when I get home its 5pm and I know I have to wake up at 6:30am, so whats the point of trying to do something. So I usually just nap. Then I wake up around 8pm and wonder what I should do before I go back to bed at 11pm. Depressing huh? My treadmill beckons me, as do my long walks down los feliz, but I dont have the energy for anything. I think I need some friends. Have those feelings I had watching the sun come up over the road faded? How come I can no longer smell the campfire? I am off to look at houses for sale in Arches.

Agnes Street

2008-07-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

Me & Me Familia

When i ask people to come over I usually ask them to come over to my house- you know the old brick building in Hollywood. However, it has become increasingly aware that my home is still located on Agnes Street. I have spent the last seven days here with my mother who threw out her knee while line dancing at a charity event- apparently the West is still wild. With her unable to drive I have become her driver which actually has allowed for us to spend time together. During this time I have been on the phone with friends and family and when asked where I was I referred to myself as being home. 'Oh, do you want to go do something?' friends would ask, my reply was no, I mean I'm home as in at my parents house. I dont know at what point in my life I will stop referring to this house as my home. I did grow up here however I have been living on my own since 19, yup 15 years. almost half of my life.

When the earthquake occurred yesterday I was taking a nap- working graveyard leaves me napping often- upstairs in my old room. I immediately jumped into the doorway as I watched the walls turn to jello. However its not the earthquake I found most interesting, rather it was the memories that this event triggered. I could remember standing in the doorway in prior quakes with my sisters and shouting out to family downstairs who dove under the table for safety. This time when the shaking stopped it was I who checked on my mom. However, as I went downstairs to check on my mom something weird happened. While running down those stairs I felt like that little girl again. It was very surreal.

Interestingly enough I have 7,523 photos in my iphoto library and none of those are pictures of this house. Remember old time photos with families standing on lawns with their houses boldly behind them, I have none. I think this house will always be my 'home'. It also made me realize how fortunate I am to still have access to this house and that my family still gathers here on holidays. My best friend recently lost his home, by lost I mean it was demolished, obliterated, existing no more due to relocation by the city. I felt for him as he was forced to not only move personal belongings that had been gathered there for three decades, I felt for him as he lost his 'home'. I realize how fortunate I am to have my own dwelling, however I am so much more fortunate that I can still go 'home'.

May I introduce Sin Sevile...

2008-07-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

Sin has been a long time friend of mine and I was so pleased she decided to work with me. She is simply intelligent, caring, and most of all fun to be around. I haven't seen as much of her lately as I would like however hopefully this will change.

She is the newest chubbypigeon model and I love her!!!!!

yay!

There's been a lot of farting...and a lot of love

2008-07-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is the last post I will write, why, because I am going to pawn my mac and buy a home in the middle of nowhere.

Amy and I finished up in Utah with Arches National Park, stunning. By far the best sunsets on this journey. We also hiked a bit through the park, in the 101 degree weather; however we mostly drove through and took some pictures.

Judas!

Today we awoke again in Colorado and proudly rode the Durango Silverton train. It was like ten bucks when we rode as kids, now we both paid 75 bucks; nostalgia does not come cheaply to these parts. However worth every cent!

The train runs through valleys only accessible to crazy rafters or by train. It was like a piece of time that man forget to rape, truly untouched. Amy and I had a blast on the train and arrived in Silverton with a slight buzz to hit up all the old saloons we could in the one and half break before the turn around trip.

We are now sittin at the fireside and remembering all the stupid and awesome things we have done on this trip. Tomorrow we head to the grand canyon after passing through four corners to do more of those stupid things. Then we will be home on friday. We have developed esp and it is kinda scary how in sync we have become. Its like we 'finish each others sandwiches'. I will miss her when I get home. Bye Amy and bye Nogales.

She spent some time tonight counting up her spoons and she has 18. My snow globes are all over the car and quite frankly I am too tired to find them all and see how many I have. To the last couple nights I say, drink up sister, I love you!

-rebs

Arches, Twisters, & Homemade Brew

2008-06-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

Havent been able to dock the boat for awhile but I am finally able to now. We settled in to Utah- Arches National Park, where it is 101 degrees right now at 6:00pm, we opted for a cabin with ac!

So much distance covered and adventures had however I am so tired and too hot to share everything so here go some highlights!!

We left Tennessee- my favorite state thus far- who knew- and drove into arkansas to see the Trail of Tears, then into Missouri to see the gateway to the west but more importantly to tour the Ann. Bush factory! yay beer!

We camped along the Missouri river in the most wicked lightening storm!!! Yes, once again I was scared, and yes once again it turned out to be for no reason. Like armadillos, tornatos and I have never met so I stayed up all night waiting for one to suck me up, it didnt, and here I am.

>

We headed into Kansas, destination Beaver- a small town of less then 30 peeps- to stay a night with my uncle Lenny who has his own kick ass brewery!

With a list of recommendations on what to eat and how many growlers to bring home we went in with a list. Linda, his wife, and Lenny work the brewery and call it Mo's place. It was rad, first because they didnt charge us for anything so Amy and I had like 8 beer each, chicken strips, hickory smoked burgers, corn nuggets (these are heaven), potato cheese poppers, baked potato, and to top it off heavenly ice cream sandwiches; it was also so great to see my uncle so happy. His life looks complete, simple and relaxed and it was nice having the opportunity to see him.

Me, Lenny, Linda, and Amy

We left the next day and headed into Colorado- beauty beauty!!! I have yet to upload the pics but thanks to Alex's recommendation we stopped in Denver to go to Casa Bonita, seen the South Park episode?
It was crazy!!!!! Its not just dinner, it is the huge vast indoor amusement mecca--this can only be explained through pictures!

Anyway I am going to swim now. I am on the last legs of this miraculous journey and it has been such an amazing experience. I hope everyone has the opportunity to do this someday- and me maybe twice!

America is so beautiful. And I am so sweaty. Tomorrow is the Durango Train and then on to Grand Canyon to finish off the last couple of days...:(

-rebs

Jack Daniels meets Elvis

2008-06-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

We did it, on my list of top destinations, ladies and gentlemen I give you Jack Daniels. This tour was like watching how the bible was written, it was an entire walk through and lesson about how good whiskey is made and the tour allows you to sniff every step. The most nauseating step was one, the ingredients lay in huge vats then heated to perfection, but holy mole was the smell strong, so strong a day later I still have Jack Daniels stuck somewhere between my throat and nose- like bad drugs! We got gifts for everyone, dont worry... Also did you know this tour takes place in a dry county- yup no samples! So no sales other then the kick ass gifts we bought, however if we opened and drank them there we would be jailed- YAY BOOTLEGGIN!!

After that we rolled into Memphis, checked into a shitty motel along the mississippi, which is crazy full, and hit Beale Street, home of the blues. We were a bit disappointed with how touristy it was but the music and atmosphere were good, I put amy to bed for the second time!

In the morning we went to GRACELAND! Amy took the proper steps to ensure she embodied the look of a crazy fan and we went inside the mansion of Elvis- I cannot even explain it so I wont, just wait for pictures. It looked like a cross between an old colonial style home and the Madonna Inn.

We then went to the assassination site of Dr. King. Sad. Dont have much to say on this topic that I havent already said in prior entries; I am honored to have been there.

Tennessee is by far the most racist state we have been in, this state is more what I thought the "South" would be like. A few days ago when Amy and I were in Pigeon Forge, TN I was drinking water in a parking lot while she shopped and I had the pleasure of overhearing a conversation between two couples about how Barak Osama will never become president and how we -america- have so many weapons stockpiled that it will ensure no nigger ever becomes president. They laughed and I stood there full of so much shock, then anger, then sadness. I said nothing because nothing came to mind that would change what had been said. For anyone, my uncle and aunt included, who say that racism is dead and Blacks should just get over it and move on, I am asking you to spread your wings and fly. This country is only slightly better since its recent history with civil rights. It makes me so angry and so sad that all I can do is try not to scream the same profanities at them they see in others. Uneducated, unworldy, and shame on their parents for raising them with these values.

fireflies

2008-06-23T06:50:00.001-07:00

Never was a horse like the Tennessee Mare

2008-06-23T06:24:00.000-07:00

Blew into the smoky mountains in Tennessee yesterday. Breathtaking. Listened to John Denver for the ride along the Blue Ridge Mountains, also known as the Appalachian Trial. The quiet and full force foliage road lead us into Smoky Mountain National Park in Tennessee. This state is breathtaking. I now know what he means when he sings 'almost heaven, west virginia, blue ridge mountains, shining blue rivers'.

Amy and I are calling the small rustic town of Pigeon Forge our home for the next couple of days. With thunder storms always present we are staying in a small cabin along the river, known also as Pigeon River,

awesome huh? It is also home to the Dukes of Hazard. We are going to visit Cooter's later, the bar- now museum- in which the tv show was filmed. Going to look for that special one piece for Lance! Also I thought it important to point out as we get closer to the original KFC and KFC museum, buffets are a constant. Buffet at KFC anyone??? :)

Last night I was able to become the most intimate with fireflies. I put seven of them in a jar and used them for the lantern that guided me down the KOA road to play Ms Pacman, cool of coolness. I also let some lose in our cabin to enjoy at night. These insects are everywhere here and so friendly they just land on you and almost sit down fireside and enjoy a beer!
The above video is me playing with fireflies!!

Amy is on a hike through the smoky mountains now as I opted to sleep in late- good choice. Later we are going to hit the bars of PIgeon Forge, it is said by my motorcycle neighbor they have moonshine here, though no alcohol sales on sunday- how is that a division of church and state!!! This is the first time amy and i have been separated on this trip, I feel alone!! It could be because I am the middle of Tennessee without a car, no way to access moonshine unless I hitchhike, or it could be because I miss my sister- I opt for the last one.

Moonshine awaits!
-Rebs

Days 12 & 13- Behold the Atlantic

2008-06-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

We made it. We crossed through the Carolina's. Craziness. These two states embody more of what I thought the South would be like, confederate flags and plantation homes and when walking through the supermarket-also called Piggly Wiggly- some older man looked at me and said 'nice hair, fuckin retard'. Oh the South! Other then that it's all been good, peeps have been quite nice.

Average home looks like this one.....

We also passed this truck stop..anyone want to take a shower here? :)

We awoke this morning after I spent the night among fire flies and went to the Blackbeard exhibit at the North Carolina nautical museum, yes I had a moment. They have various items on display from where his ship 'Queen Anne's Revenge' hit a barge off the Orokoke Islands in the 1720's. The actual bell and cannons (still loaded with cannon balls) were all displayed with minimal security. Amy warned me before we walked in. So I just stood there and starred. Ah homesick. If you notice me in the reflection of the plexi glass in this picture you can probably see me crying. I am the nerdiest pirate ever! But I steal better than most of em!

We drove onward in freakish heavy heavy thunder and lightening weather, amy had to drive since I made myself ill. It was so bad and I couldnt see the road that my hands starting shaking. Amy is the ne jesus christ. I write this to you now on the boarder of N Carolina and Tennessee. I am heading West toward home.

Onward adventure awaits!

PS check out palmetto bugs on wicki- they are all over our campground. Oh yeah I also found out I may have some bug issues, its just that wont you dont know can convince you it can hurt you. They are huge black flying cockroaches. Yup, I am typing this from inside the cabin...Where is my hammer and flashlight, I need to go smoke now.

Day 10 & 11- Driving through the South!

2008-06-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

Mississippi, not much here, just drove through!! It's not what I pictured, very lush and green; not at all like the 'if you want to live in a trailer park and marry your sister' that I had in mind. :(

Further down the road we stumbled upon Alabama. Two thumbs up. We found a backwoods-literally-campground and settled in for the night- adios humidity! The weather was so nice, swarms of fireflies and it felt a lot like Northern CA, without the redwoods. I slept like a log in the tent, over ten hours, and awoke to the sounds of owls at 5am then more birds at 6:30 am, nice! I made us dinner on our make shift stove- dad you would have been proud- and even percolated coffee in the am with propane, nicely.

I loved these frogs, they were everywhere and no larger than your pinky nail, this was told me his name was Gunther.

Freedom walk from Selma to Montgomery.
We woke up and first stopped in Birmingham, Al to see the civil rights park and the monuments that stand for the children killed in the bomb blast by the KKK. So sad.

Once in Georgia we stopped to see the birth and death place of Martin Luther King Jr. So powerful. The museum stands across the street from the Ebinezer Church he preached in. The museum had some very powerful and sad reminders of who makes up this country. I felt so awkward, the museum mostly filled with Blacks and it being located in very small and poor Black town, it was just a reminder again of how much I hate my race. Good thing I tell people I'm Mexican!

From here it gets crazy- amy will type her story....

I'm happy to finally make a guest appearance on this blog. From the somber remembering at the MLK monument to the tacky attractions that is road side america. I would like to say this one fulfilled a life long dream of mine, but really I only learned of it a few months ago. Babyland General Hospital in Cleveland, GA. A 75 mile detour north to the birthplace of cabbage patch kids. This is really where Xavier Roberts was from, and is now a creepy and odd type of museum. I was taken back immediately to Hobby City days of my youth, when I would take all 8 of my cabbage patch kids in for their annual check ups. I sorely wished I had one with me today. You walk in and find babies ("doll is a four letter word") in incubators, in cribs, peering out at you as if from behind bars. Scores of babies look up, arms outstretched, and the numerous signs let you know they are all available for adoption. Surely my social work roots started with adopting cabbies. As we walked around, an announcement came on the loud speaker that a baby was about to be born if we wanted to witness. The 6 other visitors and we gathered around where the nurse in full scrubs and with the utmost sincerity told us the mother cabbage was 9 leaves dilated. The bunny bees sprinkle their magic dust, and the crystals light up to let you know a baby is about to be born. The nurse does a sonogram to reveal the sex (I kid you not) and pulls it out of the cabbage with a smack on the backside. Thank god it wasn't a breach, she says. We got it all on tape, and I smiled, giddy as a kid. Becca laughed and made fun of me the whole time, just like when we were kids. The gift shop had more stuff than you ever wanted, including spoons! A definite great add to my collection.

So now we're in Augusta, GA, a random truck stop motel for the night. We are at the Scottish Inn, where if its not scottish, its CRAP!! Guess this motel is not scottish.

Amy adds....

2008-06-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

dont walk so hard..

'Walking through New Orleans'-Day 8 & 9

2008-06-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

Night one here was crazy a few pics. Enjoyed watching amy make an ass out of herself and was so happy she too fell in love with this city.

Mint Julip for Chulip!

Day 3 in new orleans-We are here and I will be sad to leave tomorrow but also look forward to seeing new things again. It has been nice being out of the car for 3 days and sleeping in!! Awoke this morning to pigees on the balcony and headed down to get beignetes for breakfast then out to the swamps to take a boat tour!!! Spooky!!

It was hot as hell, humid as fuck, and the gators were out in full force. Before boarding the tour boat I got my arm and leg bitten off, turns out gators like sweating women with a lot of fat, not too much muscle here!!

Our tour guide was funny and very smart, steps above Ger when he worked the jungle cruise. We saw spiders, turtles, gators, egrets, snapping turtles, garp, and for the grandest of al held a baby alligator!!! They are so soft and smooth, not at all like I imagined, also very cold.

I also added a photo of an alligator who had swallowed an entire human, the picture is so awesome, and they show it to you before you buy tickets and tell you to keep all body parts in the boat; too bad no flashing of me fanny!

After the tour we visited cemeterys

and also drove through the 9th ward where the levy "busted". It was so sad, like a ghost town. Only 1 out of every 10 homes was occupied, they are all still boarded up, run down, and those who remain live in shanties. Graffiti could be seen on homes indicating which were to be destroyed and also slogans of 'thanks for not helping us' and 'you forgot about us again' decorated walls. I felt bad taking pics, though we did get some video of where the levy actually broke open, I cannot believe more people didnt die..

Last night, we are going to do it right!!! Got lots of cool things for all you guys so far..

I am going to get some booze,
Bec

Day 7- Get your New Orleans here!

2008-06-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

I sit beside Amy's deathbed to recap our arrival into new orleans. I feel it important to point out I am listening to her vomit and serving her mineral water and pepto because she is hung over while I enjoyed a breakfast and walk about through the quarter; and you guys thought I would drink too much!! haha.

We crossed the Texas boarder and straight into Baton Rouge, swamp lands galore.

I noticed a sign for whiskey bay and automatically remembered why I love new orleans so,

After fighting to stay in the car we arrived in the French Quarter, with pigeons to greet me on the balcony. Too cute.

We checked in and headed to the pool to wash off the layers of insect repellant and sunblock, I wouldn't want to swim with us but figured people were drunk so who would know I was using the pool as my giant bathtub. Get your sponge bath here!

We sat up on the balcony and drank for about two hours, watching the sunset over the mary poppins and peter pan rooftops then headed down to the streets where I got my first mint julip, delicious. Chopped up mint leaves with Tennessee bourbon and orange peels, nice buzz!

We pretty much hit bars and chatted with people, man do people like to drink here. We ended the night at Jean Lafyettes, the oldest bar in New Orleans, from 1734.

How I kept my cool is beyond me, besides scraping off wood from the tables and walls to add to my collection of nostalgia I was pretty good. No tits, no ass, no drugs, and woke up this morning with a pure recollection of the nights activities, odd huh? Amy said she will take care of me tonight and I may take her up on this as I want to go to the absinthe bar later!

On a side note, yet probably most important is the Hurricane Katrina aftermath. The French Quarter is how I remember it, not too much damage. The woman who checked me in to the hotel was named Jerry and she lost everything during the hurricane, an older black woman. She gave me directions to the 9th ward, where much of the damage occurred. I asked her if it would be disrespectful to drive out and take pictures, she told me they offer tours. Sad huh? She also firmly believes the levy was purposely destroyed by the government in order to prevent flooding downstream, the nicer part of the city. She said it happened before in 1927, destroying many native american homes. I felt so bad for her, losing everything then coming to work in a section of the city that was saved because it had 'more value'. There is an awful lot of folks in poverty here, lots of anger, and in todays paper there was an article about none of the 15 parks in the poor neighborhoods used to house trailers during the event have yet to re-opened, they all lay chained up and vacant; none of the kids have a public pool to swim in. There is a disappointment with FEMA and the officials. Anyhow, I do what I can and feel that the more I know so many of the places I once loved bring sadness, like disneyland and winchester house.

It's like they say, ignorance is bliss.

Going out to walk the streets now with my camera. Amy is still in bed! Yes, I am going to drink another mint julip, hopefully we will make the steam boat cruise in two hours.

-Bec

Day 6- We woke up!!!

2008-06-15T06:49:00.000-07:00

our camp site at 'turtle bayou'

We did it, amy and I slept on the bayou. It was very scary and so loud with all the creatures however once inside the tent we sort of adjusted. The insects were screaming, armadillos roaming, and beautifully exquisite fire flies danced on the back of our tent and overhead. It didn't help that the woman here told us not to swim 'cuz there's gators in the water'.

The night sky was star lit and bats few at close range overhead. I think the fear of armadillos is just that I am not used to them, after relying on dad for our information, 'no they are not dangerous just dont corner them' it felt better. They are so awesome to look at, mostly deaf creatures, they hide in river holes and come out at night. They are slow and not too quick on their feet, as you can see by this one roadside on the way into the campground. They sort of resemble dinosaurs.

Sleeping on the bayou is sort of like trying to sleep in a bathroom someone is taking a very hot shower in with the doors and windows closed. It is so hot, sticky, and your dripping all the time; even now as I sit and type this at 6:00 am. Amy and I slept inches apart and she warned me that if I touched her skin she would kick me out of the tent. Its not the sort of place you want to make woopy in. Yet, we woke up!!!

We're packin up and headin to new orleans however I am so proud of us for 'sticking it out' and staying here that I wanted to post this now. we rock for city folk!

-rebs

Deep in the heart of Texas-Day 4 & 5

2008-06-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, Texas, we made it, stay with me as amy and i are literally sitting at our campsite on the bayou as I type this and I am fighting off mosquitos!!!
(ok typing from inside the tent) We rolled into texas both scared, turns out for no reason. We had a blast!!! First we hit the alamo, no basement and no pee props, it was sad and we felt happy we didnt pay to get in. All signs indicated the site stands for independence, no mention of fighting to maintain slavery. Amy did her best to carry out the pee wee tour though and we got some great video.

Then we rolled on to Austin, which I can honestly say was rockin, the best day thus far. We got lucky, there was biker convention, I mean BIKERS!!!

Amy and I hung out and talked with so many of them, as their bikes lined 6th street, the street with hundreds of bars, they are truly an awesome culture and quite respectable. Amy almost joined the Iron Pigs, however I rescued her just in time and brought her back to life with ice water and a piece of pizza. Why bike I asked, one mans reply 'sometimes I just like the feel of titties bouncing on my back!'. I know what you mean. :)

All in all it was a crazy good time, however there are now bugs flying into the screen and armadillos outside so we getting nervous, I am shutting this thing down; are we crazy to sleep on the bayou?

Ok tomorrow new orleans around 2pm so I will pick it up then, so much to show you all and so much to tell, I miss everyone though and wish they were here. Also there are a lot of Bush hatin folks in texas, thats so good to know!!!!

I love you guys, hope I survive the night!

-Rebs

I love takin a man down!-Day 3 addition

2008-06-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

I forgot to write about this last night, probably out of embarrassment. Yesterday afternoon when we pulled into the KOA our map blew out of the car. Amy hopped out to save it and it blew under the car. She directed me to back up, which I did without looking behind me and I hit and took down the KOA park host who was walking behind us to show us our site. He hit the ground with a thump, he is a big man in his 50's, but appeared just scratched up and incredibly forgiving. I am going to buy him breakfast right now.
If this was LA I would be in so much trouble.
Man do I feel bad.

Hope I got my bad incident out of the way. Off to texas!!!

New Mexico!-Day 3

2008-06-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

White sands national park New Mexico, look familiar? It should, this is my Luke Skywalker pose. This park was beautiful, pure white sands for miles. Then we headed into Roswell where for the first time in my life I saw elk, in the wild, it was beautiful. Also road side I saw this dead deer.

There was a roadside monument of where Geronimo surrendered. Someone carved attrition into the top, I liked that. It was a sad monument and when I looked around at the huge vast desert I once again realized how fucked up the white man is. Plenty for everyone, but we had to steal everything.

From here we headed into the town of Roswell, pulled off in the middle of the night to look for ET, didnt see him though.

We went to the museum this morning and all the pictures and documents make for a pretty convincing argument, so we put a sticker on the back of amy's car and headed south to Carlsbad Caverns.

The Carlsbad caverns are caves you can hike down inside of, it was like heaven, if their was such a place, quiet, cold, and so fuckin magical, the calico mine ride at knott's does not do it justice. I hiked the whole thing too, 750 feet down, it was scary at first and until your eyes adjust you were blind and felt along the side of the cave for your way. Too magical, Amy and I felt as though we were the Goonies looking for the ship and pretty much quoted the movie throughout when we got scared and also sang the never-ending story theme.

We got back and checked into the KOA campground where I sit on the porch riding this as I fight big giant bugs from climbing inside my ears. However its is filled with families of bunnies, kinda makes up for it. We are waiting till it become pitch black and being only 70 miles south of Roswell will be searching the sky for answers. If you dont see another post it because I went up to the spirit in the sky. Which sucks because this campground has biscuits and gravy for its continental breakfast at 7:00am.

Stay tuned Texas tomorrow, that my friends should be interesting... load your guns and shut your mouth rebecca.

Day 1 - Tombstone!

2008-06-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

Wo doggy!

Its 102 in the southern arizona desert. Day one of my cross country trip found us in Tombstone, 'the town to tough to die'. Its 8 miles north of the mexican boarder and so fuckin beautiful. There isn't one person who lives here who is under 60 and everyone has kick ass facial hair, including some of the women. Because its so hot there are few tourists here so last night amy and I stood out like new folks and when we left we walked back to our campsite at 9pm. Being the only people walking through a ghost town at dusk was breathtaking, it was truly awesome- yes I am a dork. The peeps have been very nice to us, surprisingly not what I figured with nice conversation taking place under confederate flags and minute men tshirts; I find if I just shut my mouth and not talk politics people are nice. However, I have been grinding my teeth more than usual. Much of the conversation centered around gas prices; here gas is 3.64 and they didnt believe us that in la it is 4.34 and in san fran it is 4.45- they offered us condolences and a free beer!

We went to Big Nose Kate's Saloon, the oldest bar here from 1864. She was the wife of Doc Holiday and the owner and working brothel manager of the saloon, IT IS GORGEOUS!!!!
Anyhow more updates to follow..we're off the to OK Coral now with our guns at 8:05 am, is it too early to kill someone? I'll post more at next chance, standby for aliens at Roswell.

The Fear of White Decline

2008-05-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

'For decades now, scholars have been writing about the invisibility of whiteness. To be white in America meant that you were a member of the default category that just isn't discussed. In 2000, journalists didn't incessantly mention that George W. Bush was seeking to become the 43rd white male president of the United States. No one even thinks in those terms. It's implied. It's one of the perks of dominance. We generally mention race when we speak of nonwhites.'

'Is this election in 2008 white supremacy? No, in fact it might be its opposite, an acknowledgment that white privilege has its limits. With immigration and globalization reformulating who we are as a nation, it isn't the white elites that are threatened by the changes; rather, it's the nearly 70% of whites who are not college educated who figure among the most insecure of Americans. Many feel that their jobs are being outsourced or taken by immigrants -- legal or otherwise -- and that their culture is being subsumed. When Clinton promises to make their voices heard, she's appealing not to Anglo-Saxon racial triumphalism but to the fear of white decline.'

Taken from the LATimes :http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-rodriguez19-2008may19,0,4785500.column?track=mostviewed-storylevel

Good Read!

Viva La Cholita

2008-05-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I had the utmost pleasure of working with Ms. La Cholita, whom at the very young age of 25 has accomplished so much including earning herself the title of Ms. Las Vegas Burlesque 2007. She has done so much collaborating with women in her community and has managed to push Latina beauty into the laps of young boys everywhere.
I will post all pics on the site soon. Enjoy!

new fanciful feather art

2008-05-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

I made this hat for Ms. La Cholita whom I will have the pleasure of working with this friday. I am pleased with the radiant colors she chose but most of all for the antique yellow feather creation I found deep in the belly of my favorite millinery supply store in downtown. gosh I love feathers. I will post pics of the shoot with her this weekend.

What if no one were fat?

2008-05-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

MSN has published yet another groundbreaking and fresh (read: stereotypical and craptacular overall) article posing the question: What if no one in America were fat? MSN takes it from the financial standpoint:
We’d save billions of dollars in gas. Airlines would double their profits. A dearth of diabetes and other diseases would save billions of dollars more. […] Productivity would rise, potentially creating tens of thousands more jobs or higher wages all around.
Add up the savings up on health, food, clothing and efficiencies, and you could buy a professional home gym for every U.S. household — or hand each $4,270 in cash.
Yawn.
Fat drivers use more gas and they’re COSTING US MONEY!
Fat clothes-wearers need more material to cover themselves and they’re COSTING US MONEY!
Fat folks are sick all the time and the cost is sucking away healthcare dollars from those who really need it and they’re COSTING US MONEY!
Fat folks are dragging companies down by taking all those sick days or sitting at their desks feeling unwell, and they’re COSTING US MONEY!
ZOMG! Fat is attacking our economy! No wonder we’re on the verge of recession, what with fat folks basically stealing money from fellow commuters, fashionistas, CEO’s, and kids with cancer.

On top of these savings would be billions of dollars more. Manufacturers and builders wouldn’t have to make doorways bigger, car seats wider, furniture stouter. Some even argue that global warming would slow a mite, as consumption of gas, energy, fertilizer and methane-producing cattle decreased. --- taken from fatgrrl.com

my 2 cents: hahaha, america can never have too many scapegoats. i would hate to be a gay undocumented fat person. this country is so fucked up, never mind the actual reason that this hyper-capitalistic country is consuming itself. if anything this country should love fat people, if all we do is over consume we raise demand, straining supply, ensuring more profit for corporations- by all accounts we are the image of capitalism and they should fly flags in our honor.
i’m so delighted to know fat people are destroying this country, i am going to celebrate by eating an icecream.

shooting elephants

2008-05-02T05:33:00.001-07:00

Inmate correspondent:
As simple and plain as the blank black stamp on the envelope
It screams of love dissatisfaction and hurt, much like the free world.
If only tax dollars would pay for this too.

Drowning under a silver lonely moon, drunk again.
Drunk on my old loneliness, for you I drink, sick again.
The water fills my plastic bottles, as I walk, as I drive, alone.
The salt like mosquitoes stings as we circle around perfect, knowing false.

Mirrors drown. I stand next to your grave, the water fills my lungs.
No one knows you.
I hid them underneath your memories, under our smiles, we are never alone.
And little ropes and pink whitish pills call, the moon smiles and hands me the provisions..
Yet around the corner something is brewing, I have been watching.
Wings, grey, flight, smiles. No fine here for throwing coins, bread, peanuts, trail mix, in honor of poochinie.
Pizza, pop-tarts, sushi, chocolate, and peanut butter scattered for their delight,
we smile.
Legos never built houses this strong.
Fitting in with a dead flower on my wrist, we dine, we drink, we laugh, yet it is still alive.
I fit in when we are alone.
Midgets, mermaids, women with beards, a man with no arms or legs,
I fidget.
On a good day I see good in people, tonight I see nothing worth saving
but my sunfish, a box of ashes, a picture, and a sea horse snow globe.
I am loved, though I cannot feel it now.

Life Underground

2008-04-19T04:37:00.000-07:00

I will admit the Los Angeles mass transit system fails in providing consistent and accessible actual transporting, not to mention subway trains on the red line stop running at 1:15 am, which to the bar goer like myself often means a long staggering walk home or waiting for a bus for 45 minutes, yet I like going underground. The way your ears pop shut when you climb down the stairs and the erie quiet below the city streets is as mysterious as it is calm. 20 questions on the tracks. Is it animal mineral or vegetable, it was mineral, and it was a AA battery.
I saw the chubby grey mouse again on line 6. I also met a self proclaimed 'thug' from Nebraska. He actually had the words Nebraska Thug 4 Life tatt'd on his arm. I didn't ask if he also had multiple corn stalks tatt'd on his body. People are strange.

Free Money!

2008-04-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

Last night Alex took me to the Bounty. If you haven't been there I highly recommend it. One of the oldest bars in Los Angeles, located in mid Wilshire, the HMS Bounty is nautical themed with lots of model ships, painting of ships, and little cannons that point out the windows. It is very sinister, paneled with old dark wood, and adjacent to the Gaylord Hotel, one of the oldest hotels on Wilshire. I find peace here. Anyway after feeling cooped up and worried about my thesis he suggested we go for a drink, which we did. I suggested playing a game of hot spot, CA’s version of Keno. We both picked 8 numbers, 7 of my numbers hit and I won 500 bucks, just like that. If only lucky 13 would have hit I would have won 10,000.

Ok so now you’re thinking, what a boring post, hurray this bitch won money. What I wanted to write about is the conversation that ensued. You see readers, neither Alex nor myself are keen on spending money or simply having money for that matter. We are the type of people who buy new clothing once a year and by new I mean from that giant circus of a thrift store in frogtown. After mulling it over I thought about putting some of it into a tattoo, yet that in itself seemed wasteful. It’s free money. So what do you do with free money? It’s like when I steal a purse from rich girl in a bar and pull out the cash to give to someone else on the way home who needs it more then she did. I am an ethical thief.

So I asked the owner how many peeps work in the kitchen, yes the Bounty serves food. He looked at me oddly, why, I’m not gonna tip the owner- he makes the bucks already. So I gave each of the line staff 20 bucks and we packed up and left. We decided it would be a much more adventurous move to relocate to downtown and see what trouble we could get into. I thought about giving random people 20 bucks on the subway train, just to get smiles from strangers and then thought about distributing it the homeless sleeping on the streets at the station, as its mid month and I know their assistance is gone, but this seemed pointless too- after all, what’s 20 bucks going to do?

So I am sitting here reading the paper, drinking coffee and wondering, what should I do with it? What would you do?

Termites Feast on Money

2008-04-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7334033.stm

The most wonderful thing happened today. According to the BBC a trader in the Indian state of Bihar has lost his life savings after termites infesting his bank's safe deposit boxes ate them up. I write that this is a beautiful thing because it simply amuses and awes me that there are creatures, other than humans, whom have no concept of money. It would be like watching as a pigeon tore apart hundred dollar bills to build a nest.

To further amuse me, this man had opened the safety deposit box to keep his fortune hidden from his wife and kids- his family, with whom he was in the process of separating from. I trust this meal was good for all members involved. When irony hands you something to notice you better sit up. It is so odd to me, almost innocently so, how much man is obsessed, if not driven by, paper and what that paper represents when to a simple insect no larger than that rich mans nail the same piece of paper represents a snack. Cheers little termite friend.

'If You're Not At The Table, You're On The Menu'

2008-03-10T20:26:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Sacramento.. 816 miles round trip with gas over $3.50 a gallon and you know what it was worth every fucking penny to go up and meet with the people who are cutting our state budget. I went because I could and to speak on behalf of those who could not. I don’t know if people in this state are aware, you know with Britney on the verge of a nervous breakdown and the new season of American Idol starting, but our govenor is about to dramatically slash funding. If revenue, ie taxes, had not been slashed in the past ten years we would have a surplus. However, since the rich need to keep their money and people moaned at the near mention of a $7.00 tax when registering their vehicles at the DMV we need to cut 14 billion from our state budget. The most obvious cuts will be in education and health and human services, not jails or our drug control budgets resulting in the poor once again paying for everyone. Did you know that on average working poor people in this state pay 20% of their income on taxes while the richest only pay 7%, VIVA LA GOVENOR!

To read more about the proposed tax cuts you can go here,
http://www.pe.com/multimedia/pdf/2008/20080111_grf_state_cash.pdf

The most painful are the 802 million dollar cuts in Mental Health 4.8 billion dollar in cuts to education and the elimination of 1,000 child welfare social worker positions.... my point.. say good bye to preventing future criminals and homeless people, but I guess we make more off them in jails then we do when they are able to sustain life on their own.

Write letters to your assembly persons, the govenor, and your local city council, that is if you are able to draw yourself away from myspace and the tv!

Queen Bee Tangee

2008-02-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

I helped some friends out this weekend with their movie by way of costume design, allowing me the pleasure of dressing women in hats and head dresses. My favorite turnout was Tangee, a kind and flexible woman who worked through her awful cold and on her anniversary. I used a belt purchased at thrift store for 50 cents and monk assisted me with his creativity as we made it into a wicked head piece for her belly dance scene. It is a head dress unlike any style I have ever made and I was most pleased with her turn out. I will post more pics later, however I fell in love with these and felt they could not wait!
And now I give you Tangee..

Her and her killing machine!

and now there is one

2008-02-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

its too personal to post how i feel about her here, odd though i post so much about my life. i just wanted to say goodbye and once again write a thanks to everyone who offered me kind words and support. i picked up her ashes today, odd she seemed larger than life yet she has been reduced to a zip lock baggie. it was just a reminder that nothing is forever and to appreciate what you have while you have it. i love you sadie.

Introducing Madam Lee…

2008-01-13T16:13:00.000-08:00

I met this foxy young woman on the set of my friends music video and her laughter and sarcasm revealed to me that she and I would make great friends. She arrived at my place yesterday with a bag full of fabulous clothing and the same personality that attracted me to her in the first place. I hope my readers will see more of her.

Drop another coin in the slot and I will tell you more.

2007-12-14T04:43:00.000-08:00

I am not a religious person however on the rare occasion this pointless universe hands me something of value I take notice. Yesterday in an old saloon I stumbled upon one of those antique fortune-telling machines, you know the ones that spit cards out as useless as your actual life. Now it could’ve been the cocktail of beer and xanax or the interior of the building however this machine called to me, it also could’ve been that as me being a Piscean I am forever drawn to things that don’t exist. The old clay woman from within the booth gave me the following fortune:

Be careful and always look before you leap. Things right now are not as rosy as you anticipate. Make sure you have an absolute thorough understanding of the life you lead. You are naturally too liberal and often times get the worst of it, but you are so broad-minded that, rather then cause hard feelings with anybody, you will stand for abuse and say nothing. Remember that people will always have their best interest in mind and these interests are not your own. Your life is marked with loneliness and despair from the actions of others and though you struggle to make sense of this, failure seems deliberate. You must learn to use your creativity to adjust to such things and will eventually understand that disappointment and isolation will occur often. Drop another coin in the slot and I will tell you more.

I thought better of it and kept my dime, rather then gain additional insight into this life that has turned out to be entirely too long.

Who cant love a good class war?

2007-12-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

Watch this new film from Brave New Films:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8RsFwsODzE&eurl=http://bravenewfilms.org/blog/20619-fight-the-war-on-greed-and-you-could-be-in-our-next-video

My comment:
I have my college degree in Social Work. I owe $55,000 in student loans, Henry’s hourly wage. I work for $9.50 an hour. I earn an annual income of $23,000 a year. I live in a 500 square foot apartment, which takes more then half my monthly income. I work in a chronically homeless shelter in Los Angeles, assisting people who on average collect $221 a month on general relief. All are mentally ill with substance abuse problems. They live at the shelter, each in their sprawling 9x9 square foot cubicle complete with desk lamp, bed, and dresser drawer. At the flick of a dial they see rushing water in the shower, sometimes hot, and three times a day they retreat to their opulent dining hall where they enjoy hot meals, then after they have had their fill of mostly beans and rice, they retire to relax on their eleven year old couch, complete with lice outbreaks, to watch a television that receives over three channels. Like Henry’s estate, the shelter contains a master library where one can relax while sitting on milk crates reading paperback books from the 1970’s. And also like Henry many of the clients own a vacation property they can escape to when they need to relax. Some have private storage facilities where they retreat to when they need to get away or for others it’s under the pier in Santa Monica where there are free showers and other homeless single families they can mingle with. Oh but that’s not all. Like Henry our clients feel the need to play, one of them played the California lottery and won $1,000, his earnings however were not paid out. Rather they were collected by the state of California to cover his general relief costs which states there can be no other income while collecting the exorbitant amount of $221 a month.
At present it is such an exclusive lifestyle that only 90,000 people in the county of Los Angeles who qualify as homeless can live in our opulent shelter mansion. I am sorry to inform you that you don’t meet our criteria. Ah Henry your mansions could house all of these people. However, I don’t think they would feel comfortable living your life, as they are used to having to pay taxes, even though their incomes are less then $9,000 a year even though this income comes from full time employment, go minimum wage! In addition, they are also accustomed to doing for themselves in order to survive; I don’t think you would fit in here.
So cheers to you good sir, may you sleep well tonight, regardless of which of the 47 king size beds you lay down in. Perhaps one day our paths will cross, as I will be first in line for the class war that will redistribute wealth, nothing personal.

Black Friday

2007-11-23T11:01:00.000-08:00

Today’s LA Times Opinion page features a brilliant chart of corporate greed and where we stand as consumers; to buy or not to buy, to think twice before you spend money and be a responsible consumer. This year when you stockpile carts to prove to people that you love them, think twice about where you spend your money and what corporate interest you are supporting. I too like giving gifts however have come to understand, as have most of my gift recipients that the best gifts cannot be purchased. My feelings of appreciation toward those I love is not based on how long I have stood in line for them or how much money I spend, rather it is based on a thoughtful commitment to making their lives better and making them laugh. Shop on!

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-barnbrook23nov23,0,1633991.story?coll=la-opinion-rightrail

Homeless Walk

2007-11-17T19:29:00.001-08:00

Today in Exposition Park about four thousand people gathered together to raise awareness about the 90,000 homeless people who live in Los Angeles County. The event has raised almost $800,000 thus far, thanks to those who sponsored me, and I also completed the 5k, my fat ass completed a 5k! I was honored to be among like-minded people who demonstrate such compassion for people most of our country ignores. The basic conversation among us was that homelessness is not an epidemic that is to be solved through free meals and emergency beds rather through housing, permanent affordable housing. It was an awesome day and gave me a much needed renewal of my goals and confirmation that there are others out there who are concerned about our homeless population as much as I.

My fellow co-workers and clients before the walk.

There are thousands of us; rest assured we will never give up!

Relocating the poor for the poor?

2007-11-03T11:24:00.000-07:00

As a social worker living in Los Angeles I write this entry now in the hopes of bringing this matter to my readers attention in order for it to receive the public attention it so urgently needs.
Rosewood avenue, a street in a small section of the city of Los Angeles, houses low income, primarily first generation Latino families and has been selected for a ‘revitalization project’. The Los Angeles Housing Partnership has agreed to lease the lot from the Rosewood United Methodist Church, which owns the property, and will be building a new 54-unit complex for senior housing. Sounds great, right?
However, there are ten families that live on the lot now. Most of the residents have lived in their complex for years, one resident over thirty years, and thanks to rent control most only pay 1/3 of what the current rent amounts are. The duplexes are large upstairs downstairs turn of the century dwellings with kitchen rooms, dinning rooms, and contain much closet space. Through the relocation process these residents will lose this security. The relocation company will match bedrooms only, therefore even though these dwellings contain two levels, kitchen space, dinning room space, 2 bathrooms etc they are only guaranteed to receive a two-bedroom apartment in the move; many of these dwellings currently house families with multiple children. Worse yet, the relocation package will only cover the rent adjustment for the first 42 months.
One resident who pays $400 a month for his housing now is looking at an increase of rent about 4x that after the move. He is a senior, 77 years old, on a fixed income and relies solely on his SSI and will never be able to afford this rent increase.
In addition, there are undocumented families living here who will lose everything, as they are not eligible to receive any relocation benefits because they are not ‘citizens’.
Displacing the poor for the poor is not revitalization nor does it serve as community development for affordable housing. It is legal, but it is not ethical. I attended the relocation meeting last night and was outraged to hear about what a great thing this project will be for the community. Sharon Foster, the person working for Del Richardson and Associates, the company assigned to relocate the families, talked about what great progress this was. Their website boasts about empowerment and advocacy through helping low income families; this is not helping. The church that owns the lot boasts about helping the community, yet how is this helping the community. I probed the issue further, wanting to know why the affluent, primarily suburban parishioners of the Rosewood United Methodist Church would be so aggressive about tearing down the existing dwellings. The answer I was given, the parishioners will gain a larger parking lot for their Sunday services.
I spoke with Ryan Mendoza, the project manager from Los Angeles Housing Partnership and he agreed it’s a hard thing. I asked him how displacing, relocating, uprooting these low-income families can be a good thing? He struggled to answer. What is the answer?
Stay tuned for updates, we are not done here..

Gromphadorhina Portentosa

2007-10-26T10:25:00.001-07:00

At first I thought I had met someone who was fun to hang with and incredibly nice however when I walked into her house and saw a cage on the floor with bark chips in it I knew I had made a new friend, one who wouldn’t think my fondness for insects was odd or disgusting. Yay for new friends! Lillian had Gromphadorhina portentosa, Madagascar hissing cockroaches and I had the opportunity to view these caged beauties up-close and personal. They have armor on the heads that resembles big eyes and a sophisticated eyebrow line, truly remarkable. It is often thought the cockroach will inherit the earth after we kill ourselves with radiation, war, or global warming- you can pick which comes first. The cockroach is one of the hardiest insects on the planet, capable of living for a month without food; being able to survive even on the glue from the back of postage stamps. It can also hold its breath for 45 minutes and has the ability to slow down its heart rate. Who cannot admire these qualities?
*One should also note that when you step on a roach they put out a signal to their group that they are threatened and begin breeding faster and eggs spring open so you're actually making things worse for yourself, the same goes for ants.

Q-Tip Pleasures

2007-10-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have a fetish for picking things. In the common English language a fetish is any degree of attention given to a singular inanimate object, body part, body feature or sexual behavior. Though the word fetish often triggers some type of image of handcuffs or two men embraced in latex, the fact is fetishes can be as ordinary as a married couple’s sex life.
For me this means that picking things are equal to yoga, meditation, and sometimes the sensations generated from picking things is quite similar to the physical results of masturbation. When I pull things like wax out of my ear or lint out of my belly button I get happy, sometimes tingly. People who are honest will admit that having their ears cleaned is generally considered a pleasant feeling, like having one's back scratched. The cleaning of ears is sometimes considered an act of intimacy when performed by a mother to a child or by one's lover. A navel fetishist can be sexually aroused by viewing the inside of a belly button, picking or sniffing the navel of another person, or by having any of that done to their own navel by another or, to a lesser extent, themselves.
The sad thing is this fetish landed me in urgent care last night. I became so convinced there was something of significance in my ear such as a doubloon or insect that I scratched the inside of my ear raw with a q-tip, thus leaving the skin open to infection which must have happened when I used my fingernail to play with the inside of my ear. The doctor humored me as she told me stories of people who had exotic objects shoved into their ears. Alas, I was not one of these; I simply had an ear infection. As of writing this now I cannot hear out of my left ear and there is a severe pain in my neck, I was given eardrops for my infection and a refill of vicodin for the pain, a refill I needed thanks to one banana grabber. I was told to throw out all my q-tips but when I opened my cabinet I couldn’t do it. Is there something wrong with me or is picking parts of your body too enticing to stop, even at the expense of ones health? They need to make mechanical devices that feel as good in ones ear as in ones pussy.

Racists Need ESL Classes

2007-10-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

The immigration debate rages on and I spent my morning reading the latest posts on the la times page, laughing most of the way through them.
The question put forth was Do you believe the massive sweeps and deportations help solve the U.S. immigration problem?

The link is here: http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-immig-gb,1,7850514.graffitiboard?coll=la-util-news-local

However I thought I would post some of the funnier ones for you all to enjoy.
(these are copied and pasted-I in no way altered the spelling/grammar, that’s why they’re so great!)

-To all Ilegals Alien in this country. If you not respect our law, you should out of here.
Submitted by: OC
- There is no raciam. This is all they can come up with. The Qustion is why does our government not enforce the laws that are in place? . Why do Americans have to suffer in many ways.ays Examles ID theft, Overcrowded schools, freeways, drugs coming accross our bordars, jobs and on and on. If you are angry vote and get the politicans out of office, that go against what the American people have asked them to do.
Submitted by: Lesle W.
- Has everyone forgotten 9-11. National security. Most of the terrorists and ploters were illegal immigrants. Plotting our demise from within our own homeland. We are not xenophobes. I know so may people who have come here legally. They are happy and feel welcome. Any immigrants who come here and knowlingly break the law should expect to be deported.
Submitted by: PC Carroll (haha, my fav the 9/11 link!)
- YES ALL ILLEGALS IMAGRANTS SHOUD BE DEPORTED THERE ARE NO MORE SUMER JOBS FOR SIXTEEN YR OLDS OUR SOCIAL SECURITY IS ALL DRIED UPP LOOK AT THE CLOSING OF ER WAKE UP AMERICA
Submitted by: MILLICENT SCOTT
- Please don't compare the civil rights movement with illegal immigration. Illegal aliens have NO rights in America period! Maybe if all these maids and gardeners stayed in their own countries they would be forced to make their own countries better. Stop running North everytime there's an armed conflict in your third world country. Can you say Cowards? I for one don't want you in MY Country!
Submitted by: Wm (if this was posted by an African American I will cry)
- Absoultly. Put a 15 foot wall up with guns and watch the crime go down, drugs and gangs go down, health care costs go down, Polution from unregestered cars go down. Watch taxes go down because we have to pay for all the illlegal health care and schooling, Watch jobs increase for leagle ameicans. The snowbal effect from so many filtering in is staggering. Stop and look at your deductions on your paycheck and ask yourself where all the money is going.
Submitted by: KH

How great is this country!
So brave, so american.

A Dollop of Trollops

2007-10-06T00:41:00.000-07:00

-my house in the morning with champagne and make-up
This is a prelude of more to come. I had the honor of spending the day with Lolita La Vey and April Flores, dressing them up in my hats and costumes then shooting them in an old Victorian housing lot. It couldnt have been more entertaining and my models couldnt have been more beautiful. I am happy to have two such lovely ladies in my life.

-April Flores

-Lolita La Vey

-me and the lasses, I contained myself adaquately.

Visit the main page for all the photos!

Hats Off at the LA County Fair

2007-09-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

I attended the Los Angeles County Fair in Pomona today to enter some of my millinery curiosities. The critics were kind and though my hats were a bit more lavish and odd they were still well received. I took second place overall and the other two placed first and second in their categories.

The woman who took first place overall had a stunning red hat. Some African American women take great pride in their ‘church hats’. There are several books published about this subject and I find this particular culture both interesting and beautiful, if I could sit through church I would like to attend a service just to admire all the hats around me, unfortunately this is not enough to get me into a church. She took first place and enjoyed her time at the fair as her husband slept in a chair enjoying his own time at the fair.

Cute Lolita wears my prize- a small hat containing a gift certificate within it.

After the judging we walked around the fairgrounds that were crowded and offered every type of fried food imaginable, from deep fried oreo cookies to deep fried coke, don’t ask. Fair goers appear able to classify into two categories, those who attend to see the exhibits and those who attend to eat fried fat foods chased with Rolaids and 20 oz beers. I found myself somewhere in the middle and did enjoy a couple eight dollar 20 oz beers but found the food too nauseating to enjoy, ironically the fair is sponsored by McDonalds.

There were the cutest group of young girls in traditional Mexican dress performing on stage and I had to snap a picture of one in particular.

On a final note Alex found an event he is going to enter next year, get your papers ready.

I was happy to have attended and look forward to connecting with all the women I met today in the hopes of perfecting my craft.

Mannequins

2007-09-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

These ladies are ready for the fair and as I stand before them waiting for them to come to life I realize I've watched Mannequin too much, that or I need to spend a night with a beautiful girl, or several nights with several girls.

Sunset for a Swan

2007-09-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

It was raining last night, I believe it hasn’t rained in los angeles for decades, or so it feels. Upon this wet excitement alex poochinie and I trekked up the hills of Barnsdall Park and over several bottles of champagne and cigarettes we watched the sun set behind the clouds. This was one of those magical moments where red velvet curtains opened on a creaking wooden stage and if only for a moment we were able to see inside.